Same-Sex Marriage: Give It the Test

A couple months ago, I suggested a way to determine whether or not a particular practice could be considered discriminatory. Time to the apply the test. Let's start with the facts. Of the 50 U.S. states, 38 prohibit same-sex marriage. Apply the test:

Of the 50 U.S. states, 38 prohibit [interracial] marriage.

Remember, it wasn't all that long ago that people thought interracial marriage was the end of world. Sadly, many people still feel that way. Imagine what people would thing if President Bush made comments like the following about interracial marriage:

"I have watched carefully what's happening in San Francisco, where licenses were being issued, even though the law states otherwise," Bush said. "I have consistently stated that I'll support law to protect marriage between a man and a woman. Obviously these events are influencing my decision."

Applying the test: I have consistently stated that I'll support law to protect marriage between a [white] man and a [white] woman.

Now does that sound silly or what? Am I the only person who sees this? Additionally, why does Bush think marriage between a man and woman needs protecting? Protected from what?! I challenge anyone to show me how same-sex marriage poses ANY threat to a single marriage between a man and woman.

Killing the Music

Don Henly has written an excellent piece on the crisis facing the music industry. According to Don, multinational corporations are much to blame.

artists must regain control, as much as possible, over their music

Preach on, Brother Don.

A Note from Joss Whedon

Some of you may have heard the hilarious news. I thought this would be a good time to weigh in. to answer some obvious questions: No, we had no idea this was coming. Yes, we will finish out the season. No, I don't think the WB is doing the right thing. Yes, I'm grateful they did it early enough for my people to find other jobs.

Yes, my heart is breaking.

When Buffy ended, I was tapped out and ready to send it off. When Firefly got the axe, I went into a state of denial so huge it may very well cause a movie. But Angel... we really were starting to feel like we were on top, hitting our stride -- and then we strode right into the Pit of Snakes 'n' Lava. I'm so into these characters, these actors, the situations we're building... you wanna know how I feel? Watch the first act of "The Body."

As far as TV movies or whatever, I'm not thinking that far ahead. I actually hope my actors and writers are all too busy. We always planned this season finale to be a great capper to the season and the show in general. (And a great platform for a new season, of course.) We'll proceed ahead as planned.

I've never made mainstream TV very well. I like surprises, and TV isn't about surprises, unless the surprise is who gets voted off of something. I've been lucky to sneak this strange, strange show over the airwaves for as long as I have. I don't FEEL lucky, but I understand that I am.

Thanks all for your support, your community, and your perfectly sane devotion. It's meant a lot. I regret nothing (except the string of grisley murders in the 80's -- what was THAT all about?) Remember the words of the poet:

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the road less traveled by and they CANCELLED MY FRIKKIN' SHOW. I totally shoulda took the road that had all those people on it. Damn."

See you soon

-j

The message is posted somewhere in this thread.

Angel of Death

I'm not sure what the executives of Warner Bros. Television are thinking, but they've apparently decided to cancel their second highest rated program, Angel.

End of the Buffyverse

IMHO, Angel is one of a handful of decent programs on television. $50 says the WB replaces Angel with another reality television show. Reality television is dirt cheap programming. Unfortunately, you get what you pay for--reality TV is the most vacuous programming in the history of television. Seriously, do we really need more shows that focus on figures like Ron Jeremy, Vanilla Ice, and Tammy Faye? ::wretch::

A Matter Of Faith
by Christopher Brown
http://www.oldways.com

One of the biggest challenges for me as a witch is to live my life by
spiritual guidance rather than physical perception. It's a process
of trusting that the spiritual side of life is as real - or more
real - than the physical obstacles that appear in my path.

Back in my childhood, when I went to church with my parents, we were
admonished to follow the directive the Apostle Paul laid out in 2
Corinthians 5:7 ("We live by faith, not by sight.") It was a
challenge to
us as Christians to follow God's will and to believe that He had a
plan for us and our lives. The question I find myself asking is, as
pagans, should we live by the same principle?

It's an interesting question and one that challenges the very
theology we live by. Like most pagans, my beliefs and personal
pantheon are complex and not easy to define. I believe that all
things - animals, trees, the sky and earth - have a specific,
individual spirit. I believe that there is a higher power, that the
divine is complete enough to embrace both male and female qualities.
I believe that I have lived more than one lifetime and it is possible
that I may be reborn again. I even believe that each of us are
guided and aided by spiritual entities - I call them spirit guides -
that watch over us and help us on our path.

But do I believe that these guides and the spiritual world around me
is more real than the mundane challenges I face? Can I trust that,
should I follow the guidance of the spiritual world, that there will
be positive outcomes in my mundane life?

The first thing to consider is our current incarnation. If we
believe that we only live this one lifetime and there is nothing to
be found beyond the boundaries of death, then we should follow the
mundane. If this life is all we have, then the things we find here -
our challenges, our loved ones, our victories and defeats - should be
held in the highest regard. After all, if this is all we get, then
our life is defined by our accomplishments. Can we truly consider
our existence a success without the perfect spouse, the perfect
family, and the perfect career?

But if there is more to our existence than this single lifetime, we
find that we need to alter our perception. If there is something
beyond this incarnation, then this lifetime is but a single drop of
water in the sea of eternity. We can't carry our career, our car,
our house from one lifetime to the next. The only constant is our
spirit - or, for lack of a better term, our soul.

If our spirit is the constant denominator in all of our lifetimes, if
it is the only portion of us that exists beyond this lifetime, then
our focus should be not on the mundane, but on eternal spiritual
things.

This doesn't mean we should give up our families or our careers and
become hermits meditating in the wilderness. After all, the people
that fill our lives are also spiritual beings. By interacting with
them, we are given the opportunity to honor and respect the spirit
world as it manifests in their lives. This manifestation of spirit
includes the people that enter our lives, the natural world we live
in, and the spirit world that is ever present.

Early in my practice I used to pretend that I was being secretly
evaluated by a teacher from a mystery school, that should I pass the
tests they presented, I would be welcomed into a loving brotherhood
and shown the secrets of life. The tests were the encounters that I
had in daily life - the person who cut me off in traffic, the grouchy
sales person, the annoying co-worker - and my evaluation was based
solely on whether I was capable of loving them and treating them as
if they were spirits that I respected and honored. Instead of
yelling at the driver that cut me off, I would make room for a driver
that needed to get in my lane. Instead of scowling at the grouchy
salesperson, I'd smile and thank them for their help. I found this
approach to be an effective way to cultivate the proper perspective
and attitude in my own life.

But even with this tool there's still a missing component: How do we
honor the spirit world, our spirit guides, and our personal practices?

We listen.

When we are seeking direction in our lives, we typically have a
handful of choices in front of us. Regardless of how confused we may
be, in spite of our second-guessing, there is always an approach that
we know is the correct choice for us to make. We may simply feel
that it's right. It may be the only choice where we feel a small
sense of inner peace. We may find that it's the only approach that
doesn't elicit a nervous internal response.

That sign, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem, is the
direction and guidance of the spiritual world. If our spirit is
truly eternal, if it's our soul that is the one part of us that
survives from lifetime to lifetime, then from a broader perspective
it's easy to conclude that the nurturing and education of our spirit
is where our focus should be. In the expanse of eternity, the effort
we expend in purchasing a dream car or a new trinket is lost and
forgotten in the sands of time. However, the energy we invest in
educating and nurturing our soul is carried with us from one life to
the next.

If it is understood that the education of our spirit is an eternal
process, and this world is fleeting, then on some level we must
instinctively understand that this life is essentially a training
ground. In this life, we face challenges. Our responses to those
challenges change who we are - in a sense, they alter our spirit. We
can take comfort in the knowledge that a student isn't given lessons
that they aren't prepared for - it's counter-productive. By the same
reasoning, we should see the challenges and struggles on our path as
opportunities for personal growth and betterment. These lessons are
specific for our lives, for the place we are on our path.

Which means, there must be a bigger plan.

Whether it's the aid of a spirit guide, an instinct that guides us, a
precognitive dream or vision, or feeling of peace about a difficult
decision, we're being given the direction to live our lives by
spiritual guidance rather than mundane perception. Seen through
mundane eye, our life is a chaotic wilderness of challenges and
obstacles, with no clear path to follow. By following the guidance
of spirit, we are shown a path, even if it is only the next step in
front of us.

So why do we struggle to follow the guidance of spirit if it's the
only clear path? Because the steps are challenging. To grow, we
must stretch beyond our comfort zones. If we were trying to develop
our physical bodies, we would continually increase the level of our
workout - our physical challenge - until we reached our goals. Each
workout would be harder than the one before. We'd lift more weight,
do more repetitions, add in exercises, run more distance, run faster,
and push our bodies until we're stiff and sore. Spiritual
development is much the same. Instead of sore muscles, we can find
ourselves with an aching heart. Instead of the challenge of leaving
a warm bed to go on our morning run, we struggle to move beyond our
comfort zone and the familiar limitations of our fears.

But much like physical exercise, spiritual development gets easier.
We find long stretches where everything is wonderful, much like a fit
athlete finds an element of fun in his or her physical endeavors.
Living life spiritually is a challenge, but its a challenge that each
and every one of us is capable of overcoming. All we need to do is
take the steps that spirit shows us.

soi-disant

soi-disant \swah-dee-ZAHN\, adjective:
Self-styled; so-called.

The study exposes most varieties of 'human resource
management' as a complete waste oftimes promoted by
soi-disant gurus and self-serving consultants with an eye
for a quick buck.
--"Support for an old-fashioned view," [1]Independent, May
12, 1994

The troupe, soi-disant egalitarians, mostly turn out to be
royal phonies.
--Craig Offman, "Whiz Kid," [2]Time, February 1, 1999
_________________________________________________________

Soi-disant comes from the French, from soi, "oneself" +
disant, "saying," present participle of dire, "to say."

Day of What?

Day of Purity my ass. If geek poster boys Jason and Josh (see the picture in the article) were ever confronted with possibility of sex with a classmate, they'd jump at the chance. A Day of Condoms would be far more appropriate.

"Your left hand declares your commitment. Your right hand is a declaration of independence."

Independent women of the world, march straight to your nearest jewelry store and pick out a right hand ring. What are you waiting for? This is the next "must have" of every 21st century woman. Forget Peter Jackson's fantasy epic and join the real Fellowship of the Ring.

I guess they have to do something to improve lagging sales.

Science Fiction Fans, Rejoice!

Finally, I'm a happy fanboy:

The Star Wars Trilogy on DVD!

For those who enjoyed the Sci-Fi Channel's take on Battlestar Galactica (I did), there's more to come.

Galactica

We Are Not Alone

Cool reading about the search for alien life:

Alien Search
Very Alien Indeed

"That's Not Natural." Guess Again.

Driving home from school on Thursday, I listened to an AM talk show debating the same sex marriage issue. When one of the two hosts asked callers to identify why they were opposed to same sex marriage, the answer was often the same. Callers usually said something close to the following: "Homosexuality isn't natural. We don't see homosexual behavior in animals. Animals engage in sex is for the purpose of procreation. Oh, and the Bible condemns homosexuality."

Maybe I've been a bit ahead of the curve (I'd like to think so), but I've known for over a decade that animals do engage in homosexual activity. A piece in the New York Times points out the following:

Then in 1999, Bruce Bagemihl published "Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity" (St. Martin's Press), one of the first books of its kind to provide an overview of scholarly studies of same-sex behavior in animals. Mr. Bagemihl said homosexual behavior had been documented in some 450 species. (Homosexuality, he says, refers to any of these behaviors between members of the same sex: long-term bonding, sexual contact, courtship displays or the rearing of young.)

Let me emphasize this again: 450 species. Homosexuality, it appears, is a very natural act.

The debate regarding same sex marriage and homosexuality has frequently been situatuated within a natural vs unnatural context. Using the same logic presented by opponents of same sex marriage, the logical syllogism fleshes out something like this:

A behavior that isn't found in nature is unnatural.
Homosexuality isn't found in nature.
Homosexuaility is unnatural.

However, given the new scientific findings, the syllogism plays out as follows:

A behavior that isn't found in nature is an unnatural act.
Homosexuality is found in nature.
Homosexuality isn't unnatural.

As I've been arguing all along, this entire debate has nothing to do with science or logic. When you get right down to root of this debate, it's all about religion.

Leonard Nimoy: Geek Extraordinaire


Leonard Sings

::dazed:: I can't stop watching.

Larry Williams, Moron

"I went to Hooters for an hour, and six families came in for supper during that time," he said. "This is a chain restaurant with high standards."

As Aaron Sharp, a Hooters manager reminds us, "We give balloons to children; we have a kids' menu." And we give an eyefull to the adults. Balloons for the kids, Daisy Duke shorts for the dads, and a healthy dose of low self-esteem for the moms. Hooters caters to everyone! What a great model for success.


"High standards" and "Hooters" should never be used in the same conversation.

I Have Seen the Light. Repeatedly.

I think my opthamologist may be the most thorough eye care specialist on the planet. Truth be told, his entire office is in on the thoroughness. My hour-long visit consisted of countless bright lights piercing the interior of my eyeball, dozens of lenses ("Which is better, one or two?"), and an array of opthamological apparatuses. After all the testing was said and done, the good doctor thinks he's discovered the root of my vision problem. For the first time in my life, the vision in my left eye has improved. With the improved vision, my current contacts and glasses are too strong for my eye. In essence, my left lenses are over-correcting my vision problem. As a result, my eye is being strained throughout the day. By the time I switch to glasses in the evening, my eye is so taxed that it won't focus properly.

I'm hoping to order new glasses and contacts tomorrow. Within the next week or so, I should know if the doctor's diagnosis is accurate.

Ah, if all problems had this kind of simple solution . . .

Blur

Since 3rd grade, I haven't gone a single day without wearing glasses or contacts. Unlike many of my corrective lens wearing friends, I cannot function without some kind of visual assistance. How bad is my uncorrected vision? Pretty bad. In fact, I can't see the humongous "E" on the vision chart. When the opthamologist dims the lights and puts the illuminated chart on the screen, all I see is a bright blob. If I'm having a good day, I might be able to make out some kind of dark smudge (that would be the "E"). Fortunately, my eyes have always responded well to both contacts and glasses. Until recently.

Sometime last week, during my regular late night routine, I took out my contacts, put on my glasses, and noticed that the vision in my left eye was blurry. I took off my glasses, gave them a good cleaning, and put them back on my head. My vision was still blurry. It didn't take long to figure out I could still see fine with my right eye. I went through this same routine several days in a row.

Since last week, I've noticed a pattern. My vision is perfect early in the morning and gets progressively worse throughout the day. By the time I put on my glasses, I might as well not be wearing any kind of correction in my left eye. I have an appointment with my opthamologist of 23 years later this afternoon. I'm hoping this is nothing more than a form of eye strain, rather than something structural.

Kindness

The basic fact is that humanity survives through kindness, love and compassion. That human beings can develop these qualities is their real blessing.

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama

That Marvelous Mr. Monk

If you don't watch the USA Network's Monk, start immediately. I've watched this series from the start and I think it's one of the few television shows worth watching.

Friends Don't Let Friends Post Drunk

This is too funny NOT to post. The source and poster shall remain safely anonymous.

Alcoho,l is so fucking great. I mean ,really. I'm all brokenhearted and shizznitty too like our man *****,, only this chickie, not the same same chickie mentoined above, is probably wayt less deserving than his. But anyway, back to alcohol. I went happy houring right after work because the alternatve (not going to haopy hour) didn't sound so fucking greaZt. Two numbers that I have no fuckjing intention of calling, many ass clowns beat down at the foosball table, and I even got to subject some drunmk hippies to some really pointless stories that they were way too involved in, probably cause they smoke ditch weed and that shit just really messes with your contextual sensory receptor thingies. Shit, I think I was making ha;lf the shit up but maybve I wasn't. Does it matter? The question is so fucking moot, because the trick is too make sure you drink enough to get home, pet your dog, and then pass out happylike. Well, right after I butcher a couple songs on geetar and wake my yuppie fuck neighbors. So to summarize...the aerosmith thing was a jojke dammit, and ****, and make sure you drink enough that you can't use a phone. Phones suck and are a sure way to misery. SO are microwaves and reality tv but that's a converation for later. But they are kinda the same.


Don't drink and post. Ever.

When overused, terms of endearment such as "precious" lose their meaning

There's a lot of sensible advice in this article. If nothing else, the author offers a unique list of observations about the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

LOTR Dating Manual

tergiversation

Word of the Day for Tuesday January 13, 2004

tergiversation \tuhr-jiv-uhr-SAY-shuhn\, noun:
1. The act of practicing evasion or of being deliberately
ambiguous.
2. The act of abandoning a party or cause.

No doubt if I worked on it, I could evolve some kind of
double-talk that would get around the offensive phrase, and
make the, to me, face-saving implication; but to hell with
that, I have too much respect for the English language, and
for your understanding of it, to go in for tergiversation
and weasely circumlocution.
--Richard Gillman, "Standing Up to Ezra Pound," [1]New York
Times, August 25, 1991

Like most writers, I have always championed thrift....
Not long ago, however, I experienced an extraordinary
tergiversation. Now I'm an ally of excess, a proponent of
redundancy.
--Michael Norman, "When an Author's Words Are Sold by the
Pound," [2]New York Times, September 15, 1991
_________________________________________________________

Tergiversation comes from Latin tergiversatus, past participle
of tergiversari, "to turn one's back, to shift," from tergum,
"back" + versare, frequentative of vertere, "to turn." The
verb form is tergiversate.

Wordoftheday

Mars: Take Two

Opportunity, the second of two rovers sent to Mars, has now landed and a steam of pictures have already been sent back to Earth.

Opportunity Pics

I'm particularly intrigued by the pictures that depict the soil disturbance, presumably from airbag bounce and retraction. What is going on with the soil? Is it just me or does it look muddy? As Mars is a desert planet, mud probably isn't the right call. Good thing I'm not a geologist.

John Kerry: Member of the Intergalactic Banking Clan

This seals the deal. Anyone who appears in a Star Wars movie gets my vote.

Senator Kerry as San Hill

Farewell, Captain

Captain Kangaroo died today. One of my earliest memories revolves around my attempts to get a coat out of a closet. Captain Kangaroo was on a TV playing in the background. I kept jumping up, trying to dislodge the coat from the hanger. All the while, Captain Kangaroo was shouting, "help!" His shouts of help led to an increased level of frustration. Damn right I needed help. I was a 2-year-old trying to get my coat out of the closet!

Rest well, Captain.

Random Conversation: Impeccable Shoes

Stranger: You have impeccable taste in footwear.
Me: Thank you.

The impeccable shoes are the black and white wingtips (5 Eyelet B/W Wing Tip X). Oddly enough, comments about my dress happen on an almost daily basis (five of seven days, probably). Kathleen says it's one of the oddest things she's seen. People will walk across a parking lot to stop me, holler across a street, or offer a drive-by comment as I'm passing by. The most common comment, by far: "Is that the Green Lantern symobl on the back of your jacket? Cool. How did you do that?" Second most common comment: "Cool hair."

I don't know what it is, but random comments just seem to come my way. Strangers must find me approachable or something. Here are two odd conversations from the last couple weeks. The first happend at our local recreation center, the second in a movie theater restroom.

Scene I
::I'm laying on the floor doing ab crunches with my eyes closed::

Stranger: Hey!
Derek (startled, my eyes open): What?!
Stranger: Are you exercising or sleeping down there?
Derek (responds while crunching): Uh, exercising?
Stranger: Keep up the good work!
Derek (still crunching): Uh, okay.
Stranger (gives thumbs up).

Scene II
::I'm standing at a urinal, a stranger stands to my right::
Stranger (turns to look at me): Man, I could give a shit about the Lord of the Rings! For the last 20 minutes of that movie, all I could think about was the Lord of the Porcelain.
Me: Uh, yeah. That's a long movie. Good, though.
Stranger: Woooeeeh!
Me (scurries away as quickly as possible).

I really have no idea why these things happen to me. Regardless, I find the incidents more than a little amusing.

Geek Alert: The Importance of Being Gollum

Andy Serkis, the actor who provided the voice and basic motions for Gollum, has pulled 18 months worth of journal entries and published a book on the LOTR film experience.

Question: How exciting or interesting can a book about MAKING a film really be? I'm a HUGE Star Wars fan, but I've never read a book on the making of the movies. In fact, I think reading such a book would take away some of the magic of the movies. Give me the finished product. Thanks.

BTW--16 months prior to the release of SW: Episode III and I'm still spoiler free.

My I have some lime pork skin, cattle bones, and cattle hide product, please?

How many people know what's REALLY in Jello? This always comes up around the holidays when I have to explain that, as a vegetarian, I don't eat Jello. Actually, I didn't like Jello before I decided to avoid meat. There's something about it that just never worked for me.

a guide to integrating yourself into the visigoth scene, for normals and nongoths

Check out Gene's Guide to the Visigoth Scene. I'm going out to procure some cured hide armor later this afternoon. I'm thinking a visigoth research project may be in order.

Roosevelt High School

My former high school is featured in today's Denver Post. You'll notice that much of the article focuses on sports, particularly wrestling. Unfortunately, that's an accurate reflection of the value system in Johnstown, Colorado. If you weren't into sports, you were pretty low on the pecking order.

Roosevelt High School

Just to clarify: high school sucked.

A Guide To Integrating Yourself Into The Denver Goth Scene, For Normals and Nongoths

This piece appeared on the local Colorado Goth email list. Very amusing and right on the money.

As a long time member of the Denver Gothic Community (Goth Scene or
"The Scene"is sufficient for conversations between members of said group,
while "Gothic Community" is reserved for organizing public events,
interacting with the media, and flyers for bake sales) I have noticed a curious
phenomena.While most members of our subculture first began to identify
with it in High School or College, with some particularly precocious
individuals pointing out that they first starting writing bad poetry about
loneliness and graveyards in elementary school, there is a small but steady influx
of adults that "Get Turned" or "Go Goth". This can be observed at Onyx or
The Church, where careful observation will reveal, on occasion, a face you
have never seen before, dressed in unconscionably nongoth attire, looking
around fascinatedly with a kind of bewildered but thoughtful expression on
their face, only to appear the next week completely dressed in black, pale
makeup, and a corset or silver ankh thrown in for good measure, possibly both.
It is to these individuals that I provide this introductory set of
guidelines.

1.When in doubt of your attire, wear black. You may be confused by some
of the longtime members of the scene in good standing that wear other
colors or no black at all, but they have seniority. Your peach prom dress, while
perhaps sceaming "Look at me!" in a way often associated with Goth
fashion, will probably not have people looking at you the way you would like.

2.Hold no musical opinions until you have listened to about 10,000 CDs.
For the proper selection, got to Black&Read, Wax Trax, or another
independent record store, and ask for "Gothic", "Deathrock", "Industrial", and hope
the clerk knows what they're doing. Never admit that you have not heard of
a band or do not know the name of a song. (Note: this can be tricky, as
paticularily vicious Goths will invent nonexistent bands or songs to
see if you're bullshitting, in hope that you are so they can laugh at you
behind your back. Laughing Behind Other's Backs is a favorite pastime for
Goths.) If the subject of music comes up, Learn a few names like Peter Murphy,
Dead Can Dance, Skinny Puppy, and mention them, then excuse yourself for a
drink before you are caught out.

3.Dancing. If you feel the need to dance at a club, a look around you
at the dance floor will give you a selection of moves to practice at home
before you attempt them in public. You should take care to do this, as nothing
looks more pathetic than someone who tries the Jeff Low Bend and Twirl
and falls on their face.

4.Much to the dismay of many straight men that go slumming to Goth
night at a club, most Goth Women are not sluts. Your chances of getting laid at
Goth Night by someone you just met are exponentially less than, say,
anywhere in LoDo. Goth Men, however, are sluts.

5.Many Goths hate to be called Goth. They prefer Deathrocker, or
Rivithead, or say "Don't label me." Keep in mind that Goth pride themselves on
their individuality, so they hate being categorized. This can be said of
approxamately 99.92 percent of them.

6. Be Artistic. You must be creative in some form to be of any interest
to most Goths. Take up Origami, or reproducing famous paintings with
crayolas. If you have no talent whatsoever, write poetry.

7.Never say the name "Bijan" three times out loud. Trust me on this.

8.Have fond memories of Muddy's, Ground Zero, and the Wreck Room, even
if you were never there.The mention of any of these will cause such a
miasma of sentimental reminiscing that it will occur to no one that they never
saw you there.

I hope these tenets will aid in some small fashion those who might be
in need of them.

-Gabriel

Geek Joke

My friend Mike sent this joke yesterday. The secret behind our 20+ year friendship is simple: I'm the only one who laughs at his geeky puns & jokes.

A man was arrested at Sacramento International Airport today while trying to board a flight. The man, later identified as a public school teacher, was found in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphing calculator. Authorities believe the man is a member of the radical Al-Gebra group. He has been charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

::groans::

Slava Lamp

From the Rocky Mountain News sports section:

Slava Medvedenko lit up the Denver Nuggets, which one supposes would make him a Slava lamp.

What a complete and utter crap game by the "up-and-coming" Denver Nuggets. The Lakers, without three of their starting five, absolutely dismantled the boys in dainty metallic blue. Horrible. If they're ever going to make a real run at the playoffs and become recognized as a a respectable team, the Nuggets have to win games like last night. Although I'm certainly not an NBA analyst, I think the Nuggets are two players away from being a legitimate playoff team. A shooting guard (Voshon Lenard isn't the long-term answer--he should be coming off the bench as the offensive spark) and banging power forward or center (7-10 rebounds a night) would fit the bill.

So, a nod to Gene and his Lakers. You whooped us good.

WTF Department: Pick-up Lines

I think I may use some of these when I teach Interpersonal Communication this quickly approaching semester. Some of my favs include:

• Are you the tiger on the Frosted Flakes box? Because you’re looking "Grrrrreat!"

• Do you know karate? ’Cause your body sure is kickin’!

• I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I’m the only one talking to you.

• If I had a nickel for every time I saw a woman as beautiful as you, I’d have five cents.

• Hi, I’m Mr. Right--I heard you were looking for me.

• Girl, you must have a license to drive me that crazy!!

• Are you from Tennessee? ’Cause you’re the only ten-I-see.

• My last name is "Visa," because I’m everywhere you want to be!

People don't really use lines like this, do they? Whatever happened to talking to someone about mutual interests? Doesn't that work anymore? Maybe it never did. Truth be told, I was pretty inept at the whole "approach" thing in my single days. In fact, I once went over two years without a date. One year of that was a self-imposed moratorium, the second was due to my own ineptitude. Actually, it was more like a paralyzing fear. I was so fearful of getting shot down that I never asked anyone out. How did I get over it? I never really did. That said, I started to apply some of the principles of public speaking to the dating scene. I maintained a calm & composed exterior while flipping out intenally. Hmmm . . . maybe it's time to compile that "dating tips for cool geeks" list.

Ran Pan

From a message board I frequent:

Short for random pandemonium, the term "ran pan" is occasionally invoked to underscore the bizarre disconnect between rational thought and the content of a particular thread.

I think my entire blog might qualify as "ran pan." Is there really a theme to this thing?

My Worst Nightmare

My name is Derek and I'm a coffee geek. I'm also a vegetarian. The latest food trend in Seattle, dusting a steak with an espresso blend, is enough to turn my stomach.

Espresso Steak

Why would anyone profane a delicious coffee grind with meat?! Bleh. Save the espresso for where it belongs--in my espresso cup.

Unknown Creature

This occured Friday morning at 5:00 am. I was only half awake and not wearing my glasses/contacts. Without some kind of vision correction, I'm essentially blind; I can see shapes and shades but not actual images.

Derek begins to roll out of bed and sees something on the floor
Derek (thinks to self): What the fuck is that?!
Jumps back into bed and tries to examine black thing scurrying on floor
Derek (still thinking to self): How did the cat get in the room? Wait, is that the rabbit? How did she get our of her cage? Um, the door to the room is closed. How did anything get in here. Shit! What is that thing?!
Kathleen, noticing Derek's alarm, shoots straight up in bed.
Kathleen: What's wrong!?
Derek: There's an unknown creature in our room.
Kathleen (panic creeps into voice): What? What the fuck does that mean?
Derek: It's on the floor, running around.
Kathleen looks at the area Derek's inspecting
Kathleen: It's Clay.
Kathleen flops back into bed and Derek tries to get his racing heart under control

So the unknown creature turned out to be Clay, our Keeshond. As a result of my groggy state and poor light (it was 5 am), I couldn't distinguish between the carpet and his body. All I could see was a dark blob, his face. He must have moved when I started to get out of bed, leading to my perception of an unknown creature running around the room. Kathleen and I have laughed hysterically about this episode for the last 24 hours. Last night, she admitted she was ready to run from the room when I mentioned, "unknown creature." She also asked, "What kind of person says 'There's an unknown creature in the room' rather than 'There's something in the room'?" Good question.

The Neocon Quiz

Are you a neoconservative? Take the quiz and find out:

Neocon Quiz

Would it surprise anyone to discover I'm considered a liberal? According the to quiz results, liberals can be described as follows.

Wary of American arrogance and hypocrisy
Trace much of today's anti-American hatred to previous US foreign policies.
Believe political solutions are inherently superior to military solutions
Believe the US is morally bound to intervene in humanitarian crises
Oppose American imperialism
Support international law, alliances, and agreements
Encourage US participation in the UN
Believe US economic policies must help lift up the world's poor

Historical liberal: President Woodrow Wilson
Modern liberal: President Jimmy Carter

How Many Times?

How many different groups need to confirm the fact that the Bush administration lied to the U.S. American people? Shouldn't the people of our country be outraged that our President actively perpetuated lies that lead to a major military operation, an operation in which thousands of people lost their lives (and continue to die)? This wasn't a lie to cover up marital infidelity (President Clinton) or the covert sale of missiles (President Reagan). This was a series of lies that lead to a war. Inexcusable.

Attention Media Outlets

To CNN, Fox News, CBS, ABC, NBC. Google News, Yahoo News, and any other source of news on this planet:

I don't give a shit about celebrity appearances, "public interest" stories (who's really interested in this crap?), or opinions. As such, the following "news" stories should be removed. Immediately.

1. Britney Spears' marriage and annulment.
2. Robert Duvall's opinion on Steven Spielberg's visit to Cuba.
3. Courtney Cox's pregnancy.
4. Liza Minnelli's divorce.
5. Kate Hudson's baby.
6. Steve Irwin & his baby feeding crocodiles.
7. Justin Timberlake's women.
8. Harrison Ford's divorce.
9. Anything about Edie Brickell
10. The determination of Tom Cruise.

Really. Take the stories down. Now. There are far more pressing matters facing our world. The very fact that you continue to call these stories "news" is an insult to the public.

Of Interest

Critics Critiqued
Frequently Misspelled Words

Lost in Space

While Spirit beams back spectacular images of the Martian landscape and prepares to investigate "Sleepy Hollow," researchers have yet to hear a bark from Beagle 2. Kudoes to the writer of the Beagle article for giving a nod to the science fiction classic, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep. For those out of the science fiction loop, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep provided basic plot elements for the film Blade Runner. The director's cut of Blade Runneris still one of my favorite films.

Baby No Name

Sometime early this morning, my little sister gave birth to a 7 lb 6 oz boy. Since she and her husband have struggled to find the right name, the baby has been christened "baby no name" by the family. During our recent family Christmas gathering, I suggested the names Obiwan, Indiana, Theodoric, and Mephistopheles. All my suggestions were met with a resounding, "NO." Some people have no sense of creativity. They'll probably name the kid William, Robert, James or something normal that will result in a teenage identity crisis. Why not give the kid an unusual name? Sure, he'll get teased a bit during his public school years, but at least he'll have a unique name around which to forge a unique identity. Actually, I'm kind of glad Obiwan was rejected. Should Kathleen and I have any male children, I'll lobby fervently for Obiwan.

Freak Driving a Cadillac

The last three days of our honeymoon/vacation, we've been staying with my cousin Kevin and his wife, Tami. They've both lived in Hawai'i for over a decade. To help us travel about the island, Kevin allowed us to use his car, a Cadillac Deville. Yesterday, while visiting a Buddhist temple, a groundskeeper gave me a very odd look as we drove by.

Me: What the fuck is that guy staring at?
Kathleen: The freak driving a Cadillac. You're a little out of place.

Gay Bashers Ignore Issues

Quick post from Honolulu, HI. I was reading the Denver papers this morning and came across a terrific editorial.

Misguided Conservatives

I love this part of the article.

Meanwhile, American soldiers die in Iraq.

Osama's still out there.

North Korea has The Bomb.

So do India and Pakistan. And they hate each other enough to use it.

American tech jobs fly to foreign countries faster than you can say overseas outsourcing, while illegal immigrants fleeing poverty need temporary work visas to draw them into the U.S. tax system.

Tens of millions of people in this country have no way to pay for health care.

Public colleges and universities teeter on bankruptcy because of budget cuts.

Too many Johnnies still can't read.

And yet, conservative politicians and religious groups hope to convince us that what matters most this year when we cast our vote is sexual insecurity.

Shame on us if we let them.

Aloha

While typing this post, I'm looking out my hotel room window at the waves rolling up on Waikiki Beach. After a very long day of travel, Kathleen and I reached Honolulu safely. Our first day in paradise consisted of strolling along the beach, watching the sun set, napping, and dancing at a local Goth/Industrial club. Considering how exhausted we were from our 2 AM wake-up and sprint to DIA, not a bad day.

Today, we're thinking of tackling the Diamond Head climb. Everyone says its the "must do" attraction. Tomorrow, I think we're headed for Pearl Harbor.

Conversation of yesterday

GothGuy: You're not from around here, right?
Me: No. We're from Denver.
Gothguy: I thought so. You don't look like you fit here.
Me: Well, the music is a little different than what we're used to.
Guy: I'm Jason. Welcome to our little corner of the world ::waves a couple people over to introduce us::

Right view of the self

In the beginning mindfulness takes away worries and fears about past and future and keeps us anchored in the present. In the end it points to the right view of the self.

-Ayya Khema, "Be and Island"

Copyright Wisdom Publications 2001. Reprinted from "Daily Wisdom: 365 Buddhist Inspirations," edited by Josh Bartok, with permission of Wisdom Publications, 199 Elm St., Somerville MA 02144 U.S.A, www.wisdompubs.org.

Mars Attacks

Happy holidays, everyone. While most are probably looking forward to a day with family, friends and feasting, I'm keeping at least one eye trained on Mars. As of last evening, Beagle 2 was supposed to have landed on Mars and signaled the orbiting Odyssey satellite. Unfortunately, there hasn't been any communication from the lander. According to European Space Agency officials, all hope is not lost and another communication window opens in approximately eight hours.

Personally, I think the Martians disabled the craft and are laughing hysterically at our crude attempts to explore their planet.

The Ultimate Spin?

Hussein Was Held by Kurds Before U.S. Capture, AFP Reports
Dec. 21 (Bloomberg) -- Saddam Hussein was captured by U.S. troops only after being held prisoner by Kurdish forces, who had had drugged and abandoned him, Agence France-Presse reported, citing a Sunday Express newspaper report.

The Kurdish Patriotic Front, which fought alongside U.S. forces during the Iraq war, held Hussien until it negotiated for more political advantage in the Middle East, AFP said, citing the paper, which quoted an unidentified Iraqi intelligence officer.

Hussein, who had been in hiding since April, was captured a week ago about 9 miles south of his hometown of Tikrit in northern Iraq, Lieutenant General Ricardo Sanchez, the top U.S. military commander in Iraq, said at a press conference then.

Hussein

Mission Accomplished

Grading for Fall 2003 is now complete. w00t!

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Academic Hell Week is almost over. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't a train. Forty exams to go and another semester will be complete. Better yet, my life will get back to some semblance of normal. Whatever that means. Actually, the craziness of the holiday season is just getting started. Tonight is Xmas with STK's family, tomorrow night is the CSU departmental graduation ceremony, Saturday is an Xmas program with STK's graduate friends, Sunday is a solstice celebration, Monday is final grades due date, Tuesday is Bubba Ho-tep with Raena & Scott, Wednesday morning is breakfast with Mikey & Jennafer, and sometime on Wednesday we make the trek to my folks for Xmas proper. Whew. Oh, did I mention we're leaving for Hawaii on the 26th?

I love the holidays.

You're Being Watched!

The Young Conservatives of Texas have published their Top Ten Professors Who Push a Left-Leaning Ideological Viewpoint on the students of the University of Texas. Some of the offending professors include:

Instructor: Robert Jensen
Department: Journalism
Course Evaluated: Critical Issues in Journalism
Spring 2004 courses: Critical Issues in Journalism

In a survey course about Journalism, one might expect to learn about the industry, some basics about reporting and layout, the history of journalism, the values of a free press and what careers make the news machine function. Instead, Jensen introduces the unsuspecting student to a crash course in socialism, white privilege, the "truth"; about the Persian Gulf War and the role of America as the world's prominent sponsor of terrorism. Jensen half-heartedly attempts to tie his rants to "critical issues" in journalism, insisting his lessons are valid under the guise of teaching potential journalists to "think" about the world around them. Jensen is also renowned for using class time when he teaches Media Law and Ethics to "come out" and analogize gay rights with the civil rights movement. Ostensibly, this relates somehow to his course material.

Instructor: Edmund T. Gordon
Department: African and African-American Studies
Course evaluated: African-American Culture
Spring 2004 courses: Blacks and Resources

A black student in the class who held conservative politics asked what was wrong with being black and conservative, and Gordon implied that if you're black and conservative, you're not black enough, and you're not doing what's in the best interest of the black community. He's called himself a radical and displayed a political agenda of changing students' minds toward a far left ideology. Most of what's taught consists of how blacks were and are oppressed, which would seem to deprive students of other important elements of black culture.

Instructor: Jennifer Suchland
Department: Government
Course: Race, Class, & Gender
Spring 2004 courses: Unspecified GOD 312 section

Since all GOV 312 courses fulfill the second half of the Texas Legislative requirement for 6 college credit hours of U.S. government, not all 49,000 UT students are required to take a GOV 312 class that deals specifically with race, class, and gender issues; there are other GOV 312 sections. However, since GOV 312 is a required class, many UT students may enroll in this section anyway, particularly if it fits their class schedule. This class deals with race, class, and gender issues primarily from a conflict theory or, more accurately, a historical-materialist perspective, as originated by Hegel and Marx, not from a classical liberal worldview. Although during class discussions Suchland allows dissenting ideas, all of the course readings greatly accentuate oppression and exploitation in the U.S. along race, class, and gender lines. If you believe in the American Dream and that the U.S. is a land of great opportunity, nothing in the readings from this class will confirm that belief.

So the Watch List includes 10 professors who teach from a liberal perspective? Ten professors from a school with 49,000 students and thousands of professors and the young conservatives are going to bitch and moan? Are you freaking kidding me? This is typical conservative hyperbole at its best. Any belief contrary to the conservative position is a "danger" and should be discredited as some kind of leftist propaganda. If you read through their Watch List, you'll notice a clear commitment to the traditional ideals of U.S. American culture (i.e. American Dream). The traditional conservative party line, towed unquestioningly by The Young Conservatives of Texas and members of my nuclear family, looks to the past for some idealized notion of American ideologies. A return to the days of the idyllic 1950s is what we need! Malt shops, poodle skirts, Pat Boone, and "We Like Ike." Damn, those were good old days.

In their rush to embrace traditional values, however, conservatives frequently gloss over the truths of the past. They conveniently forget that much of our nation supported and justified racial segregation, restricted the role of women to the domestic sphere, and ignored the growing socio-economic schisms between lower, middle, and upper class. Conservatives would respond to my statement with yet another traditional response: "If people of color, women, and the poor wanted to change their lot in life sooner they should have done something themselves." Pick yourself up by the bootstraps! Additionally, if they'd admit to the difficulties of the past they'd no doubt argue that the problems no longer exist in contemporary society. And that mentality is EXACTLY why we need the professors on the Watch List. Rather than blindly championing the dominant discourses of our culture ("sexism, racism, and classism no longer exist"), these professors offer an alternative reading of our past, present, and future. Let me point out that we're talking about ten professors out of thousands. Ten. In my mind, that isn't nearly enough.

If the Young Conservatives of Colorado ever put out a watch list, I'd better be in the top ten. I'd consider anything less as a complete and utter failure.

Kudos to the professors on the Young Conservatives of Texas Watch List. Keep up the good work!

Avalanche!

I've recovered from my battle with the flu only to find myself buried under an avalanche of final papers. All told, I have 177 final papers to grade in the next three days. Yuu can imagine what I'll be doing almost every waking minute of those three days. I knocked out 34 papers by getting up early this morning and getting right on it. Only 143 remaining. The good news is that I'll be finished with this round of papers by Monday. The bad news is that I'll receive a total of 177 final exams during the upcoming week. All that being said, I'm glad I'm the one doing the grading and not the one taking the final exams.

Thanks to the efforts of Gene, I'm addicted to Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. In the context of the game, I'm in the process of completing my Jedi Training. I can't tell you how tempted I am to put down the grading and sneak in a little KotOR action.

I'm taking a break from grading this evening to catch a movie with my lovely and alluring wife. We're going to catch The Station Agent at one of the local art house theaters. Next on the Must See list: Bubba Ho-Tep.

Vomit on the Highway

Colorado is being hit by an early outbreak of the flu. Guess who managed to catch it? You guessed it. I started feeling crappy earlier in the week but figured it was a slight cold or something. After all, I haven't been REALLY sick in the better part of a decade. I'm one of those people who simply doesn't get sick. Well, we can change that to usually doesn't get sick. After struggling through three classes yesterday afternoon I retired to my office. I tried to lay down and take a quick power nap (a regular occurence). That's when I realized I wasn't dealing with a cold. Shivering violently, I struggled to the department office for a 2:30. Raena took one look at me and said, "You need to go home." She agreed to go to my late afternoon class and handle some administrative details and let my students know what was up. Bless her.

Let me say that the hour and fifteen minute drive home was perhaps the most miserable moment of my life. Okay, that's probably an exaggeration but not by much. I had to make a pit stop every 20 minutes or so (I won't go into the gruesome details), but managed to make my way toward home. About 20 minutes from home, I knew I wasn't going to make it. I quickly made my way to the left shoulder of I-25 (the major N/S thoroughfare in all of Colorado), turned off the car, threw open the passenger door, and vomited profusely. As I haven't hurled in almost 10 years, I'd forgotten how disgusting the experience can be. With nothing left in my stomach, I finally managed to curtail the violent spasms and raced the rest of the way home.

Since arriving home at 4 PM yesterday, I've been in bed. Although the vomiting has stopped, my body aches and I'm being slammed with a continuous headache. Back to bed.

Barbie Meets the Geeks

This is just wrong.

The Gift(s) for that Conservative who has Everything!

I've just about finished my holiday shopping for my family. My folks, sister, and brother-in-law will love these!

Coulter
Rummy
Flight Deck George

Is it me or are these things scarier than Chucky?

Outlandish!

This morning, during Communication and Popular Culture, one of my students made an absurd statement. The conversation went something like this.

Me: What are some other live-action children's TV shows?

Student #1: How about Mr. Rogers?

Me: Excellent example. My sister and I loved that show. Except for the episode where they visited the hot dog factory. How disgusting was that vat-o-meat that looked like pink toothpaste? Ugh. Anyway, I think I can still name most of the characters from the Neighborhood of Make-Believe.

Student #2: Did you know Fred Rogers used to be a Navy Seal?

Me: **almost stunned speechless** What?

Student #2: Yeah. I heard he killed something like 29 people.

Me: Fred Rogers? Where did you hear this? Fred Rogers was minister!

Student #2: I know. But before he was a minister he was a Navy Seal. That's why he always wore a long-sleeve shirt and sweater. He was hiding his tattoos.

Me: I think someone's been feeding you a load of bullshit.

Student #2: I'm serious!

Me: Okay. I'll look into it. If this is true, which I seriously doubt, my entire childhood will have lost all meaning. Mr. Rogers can't be a Navy Seal. He just can't.

Fred Rogers a Navy Seal? Are you freakin' kidding me? Where do students come up with this kind of stuff? As Mr. Hand from Fast Times at Ridgemont High would say, "What are you, people? On dope?!" A quick search on Snopes.com suggests Fred Rogers never hurt a fly. I find the fact that there's an actual urban legends entry on "Fred Rogers and his alleged violent past" very disturbing.

Hair Crisis

I think I've figured out why the Democratic Party is unable to compete with the Republicans. Kucinich, Dean, Clark, and Kerry have almost identical haircuts. Kerry has a little thicker hair than the others, but it's essentially the same friggin lid! Is this what these guys talk about at meeting of the Democratic National Committee?

Chair: Okay, so the resolution passes 134-56. Starting tomorrow, we'll all part our hair on the left side and comb it to the right. That will look so much better than the part on the right thing we've been doing. That's SO Republican.

::groans:: Someone help these poor lost souls.

A Democratic 'Do?

If Kucinich wants my vote, he has to do something with his hair.

Needs a New 'Do

Actually, I think that's how I'll cast my vote in the upcoming election. As none of the candidates does anything for me, I'll select the Democratic candidate with the coolest hair.

Fire Ze Missiles

This is pretty amusing.

WTF Mates?

A National Tragedy!

I knew it wouldn't be long before someone entered the fray. Bishops from the Massachusetts Catholic Conference have declared the recent MA Supreme Court decision a "national tragedy."

Blustering Bishops

How can someone denounce this decision and, in the same breath, state that they don't wish to step on anyone's civil rights? I'm mystified.

Here's a simple test for deciding whether or not something is an issue of civil rights. Take the word used to describe the group of people in question, gays and lesbians, and replace it with a term used to describe an ethnic, cultural, racial, or religious group. I'll provide a couple examples.

Here's the argument as presented:

Allowing gays and lesbians to marry is a sure formula for chaos.

Now, let's run the test.

Allowing Blacks to marry is a sure formula for chaos.
Allowing Native Americans to marry is a sure formula for chaos.
Allowing Jews to marry is a sure formula for chaos.
Allowing Muslims to marry is a sure formula for chaos.
Allowing interracial couples to marry is a sure formula for chaos.

Sounds pretty ridiculous doesn't it?

Persecution

If we are to change the direction of our country, and turn people against Bush’s occupation of Iraq, we are going to have to face the ire and persecution of our local communities. If peace people in every local community insisted that our troops be brought home immediately, that the U.N. be sent in to restore Iraq, that all U.S. military aid to the Middle East be cut, and that our arsenal of weapons of mass destruction be dismantled, then we might all find soldiers marching at our front doors, trying to intimidate us. If we can face our soldiers, call them to quit the military and urge them to disobey orders to kill, then perhaps some of them will refuse to fight, become conscientious objectors and take up the wisdom of nonviolence. If we can look them in the eye and engage them in personal Satyagraha as Gandhi demonstrated, then we know that the transformation has begun (Military confronts civilian)

Amen, Father John.

Banned!

Without my knowledge, I've apparently joined an elite group. I couldn't be happier!

I was just up at the BYU library and tried to access your
page....congratulations, dearie, your page has been banned!

I thought it was hysterical.

Take care-
Tiff

I suspect my frequent rants on gay marriage and the prolific use of the "F" word triggered the BYU internet filters. While I'd like to think some BYU bigwig read my blog, damning me to Hell with each offensive post, I know I'm not all that important. Still, the issue of an institute of higher learning employing internet filters is bothersome. Isn't higher education about an open exchange of ideas, no matter how different they may be from our own? How can graduates of BYU claim to be well-educated if they've only been given access to a limited number of views? If you're not familiar with BYU, the school is affiliated with Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Unless I miss my guess, I suspect views that clash with LDS ideology are difficult to find.

Someday, I'm going to get all decked out in alternative garb, walk to the center of the BYU quad, and scream "Fuck!" as loud as I can. I wonder if security will chase me across campus? What a great image.

Iconoclastically yours,

D

Sacred Institution

"Marriage is a sacred institution between a man and a woman. Today's decision of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court violates this important principle," Mr. Bush said in a brief statement released by the White House. "I will work with congressional leaders and others to do what is legally necessary to defend the sanctity of marriage."

Actually, George, marriage is a legal union between two people who commit to monogamy, financial cooperation, and, if they choose, a future family. What? You don't believe me? Take some time out of your busy schedule and stroll down to the local County Clerk and Recorder. With valid IDs, ten bucks, and the ten minutes it takes to fill out the paperwork, a couple can obtain a marriage license. To make the whole thing even less sacred, a couple doesn't need a spiritual officiant to seal the deal. In fact, here in Colorado you don't even need a witness. Just sign your names on the appropriate lines, mail the completed license to the appropriate address, and you're married! Voila! Maybe I'm confused, but I'm not sure I see the "sacred" element to the entire process. If a couple chooses to enter into a relationship by way of a spiritual ceremony of some sort, they're more than welcome to do so. However, there's nothing in the legal paperwork declaring marriage a sacred institution.

One more time, George: the American people don't need you to make the decisions regarding what we should consider sacred and secular. We'll handle that on our own, thank you very much. In case you need a refresher, let me point toward the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. Does the phrase "separation of Church and State" ring a bell? How about "Freedom of Religion." When you start legislating based on your religious convictions, you cross that line. And that's exactly why we have the Constitution. Checks and balances suck, eh George? Now before you go off claiming that the "majority of people" don't support gay marriage, let me remind you that the Bill of Rights was put in place to protect the minority from the tyranny of the majority. Just because the majority of U.S. Americans don't support the idea of gay marriage, doesn't mean that homosexuals don't have civil rights. Example: at one time most U.S. citizens didn't support a woman's right to vote. We all know how that turned out. Come on, George, and everyone else who supports "protecting the sanctity of marriage," this really isn't all that difficult. Simply put, there's a difference between your religious convictions and the protection of someone's civil rights. You're more than welcome to your religious convictions. In fact, that's probably one of the few things I can almost admire about you. You have your beliefs and they seem sincere (but a bit contradictory). In this case, however, civil rights trump your religious convictions.

**Religious convictions which seem to wax and wane. You do believe in Thou Shalt Not Kill, right? Three words: "Iraq" and "Death Penalty." In both instances, George Bush seems to trump the word of God. Now THAT'S an ego. Or an inability to recognize fundamental flaws in reasoning. I'm leaning toward the latter.

You're Fucked.

Is there a better Thanksgiving movie than Planes, Trains, and Automobiles? Is there a better all-time movie quote than Neal Page's car rental flip-out?

Car Rental Agent: Welcome to Marathon, may I help you?

Neal Page: Yes.

Car Rental Agent: Well, How may I help you?

Neal Page: You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks. And you can give a fucking automobile. A fucking Buick, a fucking Datson, a fucking Toyota . . four fucking wheels and a seat!

Car Rental Agent: I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.

Neal Page: And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there. And I really didn't care to fucking walk down a fucking highway and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile at my fucking face. I want a fucking car RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

Car Rental Agent: May I see your rental agreement.

Neal Page: I threw it away.

Car Rental Agent: Oh boy.

Neal Page: Oh boy what?

Car Rental Agent: You're fucked!

I should add that I had a similar flip-out while at my convention. Having flown a red-eye flight to Miami (I left Denver at 9 PM and arrived in Miami at 8 AM), I arrived at the hotel and soon discovered they'd screwed up my reservation. After patiently explaining the situation three different times, I lost it and the F-word started flying. Like Neal, my choice in vocabulary didn't change the situation. I was fucked.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Lewd and Potentially Explosive Behavior

The following email just arrived in my Inbox. I'm at home on Thanksgiving break and this kind of excitement continues on campus?

Today at 7:35 a.m., a half-hour after Morgan Library opened, a
custodian at the library reported lewd behavior by a couple in the
second floor men?s room. CSU-PD responded and took into custody a
juvenile female and a 28-year-old male. The male and female, who are
not students or employees of Colorado State University, were
apprehended without incident.

A suspicious device that looked like a grenade was found in the
mens restroom where the couple had been, so police immediately
evacuated the building of 100 staff members and about six student
library patrons.

The CSU police removed the device and safely destroyed it outside
in a special container. Early indications show that the device was
non-explosive.

Nothing more was discovered after the library was checked with a
bomb-sniffing police dog. The library was reopened at 10:45 a.m.

Drug paraphernalia and drugs were found on the male suspect, who is
being questioned by CSU-PD and who may face felony charges.

Eeeewww!

Warning: while reading this piece I almost blew granola all over my monitor. Proceed with caution.

Bodysnatchers

Watch Your Mind Carefully

Don't forget to bring the good experiences of meditation into your daily activities. Instead of acting and reacting impulsively and following your thoughts and feelings here and there, watch your mind carefully, be aware, and try to deal skillfully with problems as they arise. If you can do this each day, your meditation will have been successful.

-Kathleen McDonald, "How to Meditate"

We're Liberators, Not Occupiers. Really!

Some Iraqis don't see us as liberators of their country. After a U.S. American vehicle was attacked, witnesses reported the following.

About a dozen swarming teenagers dragged the soldiers out of the wreckage and beat them with concrete blocks, the witnesses said.

"They lifted a block and hit them with it on the face," said Younis Mahmoud, 19.

Occupation

The Rhetor Returns!

I've been at the National Communication Association for a few days. Blogging will commence shortly!

BFOQs

I don't know why I keep stumbling across these workplace related articles ::shrugs:: From time to time, I teach Business and Professional Speaking. While the class isn't my favorite, I do undestand it's a necessary skills course for many people. During the course of the semester, we spend a day or two talking about legitimate interview questions or bonafide occupational questions (BFOQs). What a person is supposed to do if they're asked a non-BFOQ is always an interesting discussion. I like the answer provided by this article.

Illegal Questions

Personally, I think I'd respond with the following:

"You do realize that's an illegal question, right? You should sign up for my Business and Professional Speaking course. We cover BFOQs, which your question isn't. Here's my card. I'll be happy to sign an override if my section is full. Until that time, I believe our interview is finished. I have no intention of working for such an unprofessional dolt as yourself. I'll let myself out."

Boxers or Briefs? PC or Mac?

This year's cool Presidential debate question, PC or Mac, wasn't generated by a hip audience member. Instead, CNN planted the question.

PC or Mac

Is there anything in the media that isn't manipulated? I don't think so, either.

bang fai phaya nak

Great Balls of Fire

My Name is Derek and I'm a Bush Hater

If there is one thing you can call a truth in this world, it's the following: I despise our President. Like Molly Ivins, I can list a litany of reasons on why we should jettison the Charlatan-in-Chief. His tax cuts are a joke*, his foreign policy decisions are a mess (see Iraq), and his commitment to "saving marriage" is an insult to anyone who believes civil rights are an inalienable right. Don't even get me started on the religiosity of his discourse. Ugh.

*See Reagonimcs. Trickle down economics didn't work during the 1980s and it won't work now. Back in the late 1970s, Bush the Elder (was running against Reagan for the Republican Party nomination for the Presidency) referred to trickle-down economics as "Voodoo economics."

Dating and Work Don't Mix

This should be a must read for every person entering the workplace.

Don't Date At Work

This Nation was never intended to be a Christian Nation.

I think someone's been reading my blog. I really like the following:

This Nation was never intended to be a Christian Nation. We are, however, a Nation of people who practice their faiths without fear of religious persecution, or government interference.

Freedom of Religion

Trippin!

As a recovering alcoholic (10 years, 5 months, and 7 days), I'm always interested by new developments in the rehab/recovery field. While I didn't have the resources to attend rehab, I know that's the start many need. Most rehab programs go something like this: admit that you have a problem, uncover the reasons behind why you drank/drugged, identify specific character defects (low self-esteem, selfishness, fear of being alone, etc.), accept personal responsibility for all your problems, make right the wrongs of the past (those that you can), and pass on what you have learned. Throughout the process, most programs encourage you to develop a spiritual connection to something greater than yourself. The nature of the path--Buddhist, Taoist, Wiccan, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, etc.--doesn't really matter. The important part of embracing a spiritual path is that the person in recovery has something to turn to other than drugs & alcohol. Rather than drowning a fiery temper in a fifth of bourbon or a case of Olympia, the person in recovery uses spirituality to extinguish the painful flames. For most of us, finding the right spiritual path is not an easy task.

I suppose my struggle to find a spiritual path is why I'm so skeptical of the following article. I have difficulties understanding how a piece of rootbark could stimulate a spiritual experience and cure someone of their addictions. To take that line of thought one step further: how could a plant stimulate a similar spiritual experience among so many different people? Is there really something inherently spiritual or magickal about this root? I have my doubts.

Magic Rootbark

I've Got Bloginality

Tiffany posted a link to a Bloginality (personality) test. It comes as no surprise that I'm an ENTP.

What's an ENTP? Check out the following links--I think they describe me well. The first is particularly appropriate.

ENTP1
ENTP2

On the Lighter Side

Recent DVD purchases:

Mars Attacks
Logan's Run
The Lost Boys
The Matrix: Reloaded
The Hulk

Recent Book Purchases:

Emerson
Experiences Between Philosophy and Communication: Engaging the Philosophical Contributions of Calvin O. Schrag
The Post-Subcultures Reader
Rhetorical Bodies
Using the Force: Creativity, Community, and Star Wars Fans

The Dead Don't Exist

The Bush Administration PR machine is at it again.

Don't Mention the Dead

Geez. Is there anything this adminstration doesn't try to spin?

Real People

When the media reports a soldier's death, we cringe. At least I hope most people cringe. What we don't see, however, is how that death affects people who were closest to the victim.

Fiance
High School Connections

Every single U.S. casualty is an individual, a living person with family, friends, acquaintances, and what not. How easy it is to forget that.

The Matrix: Rebooted

Kathleen and I took in The Matrix: Revolutions last evening. My review: heavy on form, light on substance. While I found the movie entertaining (great eye candy), I found nothing thought provoking. While the first film really broke some new ground, the 2nd and 3rd films haven't offered anything new. Oh, and the closing scenes of Revolutions leaves the possibility of a sequel wide open.

Fearless Prediction: If/when another Matrix film comes to your theater (2007 is my guess) the film will be titled The Matrix: Rebooted.

Remember, you heard it here first.

When Will It End?

Another bad day in Baghdad:

U.S. Helicopter Down

I have yet to see a convincing argument that military action was the ONLY way to liberate the Iraqi people. For those who say, "But the Bush Administration spent nearly a year searching for a diplomatic solution! They exhausted every diplomatic avenue at their disposal!" Did they? Did Bush and his boys really push for a diplomatic solution or did they use diplomacy to try and sway world opinion toward a military solution? I'd suggest they opted for the latter.

I'll NEVER understand why people support the use of violence as a problem-solving strategy.

Revolutionary Rocker

This one's for Gene:

Jenny Toomey: Revolutionary Rocker

Top Ten Convervative Idiots

Grounded in more than a bit of truth:

Top Ten

Heroes, Heroines, and Villains, Pt. II

Bring on the teams!

Favorite Heroic Teams:

The Avengers
The Thunderbolts
The Outsiders (Present Run)
The X-men (circa Uncanny X-men issue 153)
The Justice League


Favorite Villainous Teams:

The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants (Mystique, Blob, Avalanche, Pyro, Destiny)
The U-foes
Masters of Evil
The Marauders
The Sinister Six

Heroes, Heroines, and Villains

I've been teaching a unit on archetypes in Popular Culture. Last week, we spent a full day talking about heroes, heroines, and villains. For several days now I've been thinking about my favorites.

Favorite Comic Book Heroes:

Green Lantern (Kyle Rayner)
Iron Man
The Black Knight
Colossus
Hawkeye

Favorites Heroines:

Jade
She-Hulk
Ms. Marvel/Binary/Warbird
Dazzler
Cleo

Favorite Villains:

Sinestro
Magneto
The Taskmaster
Ultron
The Hobgoblin

Feel free to offer your own favorites via comments.

The Pumpkin Show

I don't know why, but I've been obsessed with the Circleville, OH Pumpkin Show for several years. Someday, I'll attend the glorious event.

The Pumpkin Show

Now that's a pumpkin pie. Check out the Big Wheel race, too!

Gays Plot to Overthrow Western Civilization: President Declares Marriage Protection Week

Watch out, everyone! Loving gay men and lesbian women have the ability to destroy the institution of marriage! Oh, brother. President Bush, put down the bible, stop wasting my time with your thinly-veiled proselytizing, and get started on the task of running this country.

I love this passage from the linked article:

The other night in bed, my partner rolled over in his sleep, took all the blankets with him, and started snoring. Lovely. I looked over at him and thought about what conservatives say: that our relationship threatens the very fabric of western civilization.

When he brought me coffee this morning, kissed my forehead and said, "Hi sweetie," I tried to figure out how our love undermines straight marriages.

Read the rest of the author's thoughts here: Gay Apocolypse Now

Let's be honest, the objections to same sex marriage stem from Christian ideology. I've said it once on this blog and I'll say it again, THIS IS NOT A CHRISTIAN NATION. This is a republic, a country comprised of 270 million people of diverse spiritual backgroungs (80% of the population identifies as Christian). Despite what some southern judges believe, our legal system is NOT grounded in Christian beliefs. Despite what some Representatives and Senators believe, our legislative system is NOT for coercing members of a society to follow a particular religious doctrine (which is exactly what a constitutional amendment "protecting marriage" would do). Despite what our President believes, he does NOT have a hotline to God, he was NOT chosen by God to run this country (although divine intervention would explain how we lost the popular vote and still won the election*), and marriage doesn't need his divinely-inspired protection. What this country does need is a President who will quit trying to force his religious convictions on those of us who don't need his help.

*Yes, I understand how the antiquated electoral college system works. Thanks for asking.

A plague o' both your houses!

For the person who has everything:

Plaguedomes

I love the Three Days of Darkness globe. I think I may get the Plague of Locusts dome for my parents.

Celebrity Comparison

The latest celebrity comparsion:

Yanni.

What?! I lool like like Yanni? Kill me now.

I'll be posting more frequently, I hope. I've been buried under an avalanche of papers and midterms.

Proud to be an American!

Uh, not so much.

Reserves on Medical Hold

Goodnight, Cubs Fans

Another year, another Cubs disappointment. The millions of bandwagon Cubs fans will disappear, leaving only the true fans of the loveable losers. We'll wake up tomorrow, shake our heads, and wish things would have ended differently. By late afternoon, we'll be stressing over the prospect of keeping Prior and dreaming of next year. Just another day as a diehard Cubs fan.

Goodnight fellow Cubs fans.

Fucking Fan

The Chicago Cubs curse is alive and well. Thanks to an IDIOT of a fan, who will be lucky to leave Wrigley Field without sustaining serious injuries, and an error by Gonzalez, the Marlins have scored seven runs in the top of the eighth inning. I'm absolutely disgusted. For the first time in years, I actually swore at a televised sporting event. How stupid is that?

Fearless prediction: The Marlins will advance to the World Series. This entire situation has 1984 written all over it.

Mixed Grill

Big Media Gets Bigger
The Imperial Grand Strategy
Newspapers Receive Identical Letters from Iraq
E.T. and God
Psychic Vampires

Bon apetit.

Down, er, Up With Hip-huggers!

Look, I'm cool with people wearing whatever their hearts desire. Like the author of the following piece, however, I've grown weary of the ever descending trend in blue jean fashion. When you hear a young woman say, "When I bought these jeans last weekend, I thought I was going to have to shave,"* it's probably time to reverse course and send the female waistline creeping upward a tad.

Hip-Huggers

*One of my friends heard this comment from a customer. For those not following the young woman's line of thought, she isn't talking about shaving her legs or armpits.

Cardiac Cubs

After twenty plus years of cheering on the Cubs, one would think I'd learn not to watch the games. During tonight's game, I was up and down like a yo-yo. The final result: Cubs lose! Cubs fucking lose! At least there's decent pitching headed to the mound tomorrow night. For the sake of my health, I'll probably refrain from watching the game.

Letterman Loses His Cool . . . In 1988

I stumbled across an article depicting the infamous encounter between Harvey Pekar, author of the comicbook American Splendor, and David Letterman.

The Big Shill

Although the incident occured in 1988, the exchange struck a nerve of my own. I recently met with the financial advisor who supervises one of my retirement accounts. Like most finance companies, this one offers a myriad of "funds" in which to invest. Each fund allocates varying percentages of a contribution to numerous corporations (Microsoft 4.2%, IBM 3.7%, Pfizer 3.5%, Citicorp, 3.3%, Walmart 3.0%, etc).

The financial advisor recommended several particular funds, funds she felt would produce a good return during the coming year. Before agreeing to any particular allocation schedule, I asked to see the profiles of the various funds. She seemed surprised that I wanted to see the various companies involved with each fund. She kept pointing out projected returns ("You can see this fund has averaged an 11% return for the past two years") and I kept asking about the corporations. After several rounds of "Check-Out-This-Fund-What-Corporations-Are-Involved" she finally suggested I handle the allocations on my own. She even suggested two "Social Awareness" funds designed for people just like me.

I took her advice and checked out the "Social Awareness" funds. To my surprise, General Electric and Wal-Mart were two of the top ten corporations of the "social' funds. What? Are you kidding me? General Electric, the manufacturer of engines for military fighter aircraft, is considered a socially conscious corporation? How can any company who profits off of war be considered socially conscious?! And do I really need to rant about Wal-Mart? Wal-Mart, the corporation that limits employee hours in order to save money on benefits (most employees aren't allowed to work a full-time schedule, thus keeping them below the benefits threshold)? Ugh! Am I the only person who cares about this kind of thing? I don't want to make money by supporting what I consider to be unethical practices. Is that such a bizarre thought? Apparently so.

Cubs vs Braves, Game Four

A win today and the Cubs move on to the NL Championship series, their first playoff series victory since 1908. Ortiz is pitching on short rest for Atlanta; Clements is pitching for the Cubs.

Fearless prediction:

Braves 4
Cubs 6

Cub fans, prepare to celebrate!

Prior vs Maddux

It's been a decade since Greg Maddux fled the Cubs and signed with the Atlanta Braves. I still haven't forgiven him. There's a part of me that cheers every time he loses a game. Tonight, I'll have the opportunity to cheer again.

Fearless prediction:

Braves 3
Cubs 6

Unfortunately, I'll miss the Cubs pounding Maddux. I'm heading to a lecture by my favorite author, Starhawk. Several years ago, in a time of great spiritual turmoil, I picked up a copy of her first book (The Spiral Dance), read the first few pages, and knew my life would never be the same. Of all the authors who have influenced my life, Starhawk leads the way.

Kathleen's Queer Eye Match

Kathleen took the Queer Eye Match test. Her results are in:


Kyan: Grooming Guru


Which Member from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is your type?
brought to you by Quizilla

Oddly enough, Kyan would have been her first pick. That's a pretty accurate test.

Cubs Win! Cubs Win! Hooooly Cow!

As I think I've mentioned before, I'm a HUGE Chicago Cubs fan. No, I've never lived in Chicago. I did, however, grow up just outside of Des Moines, Iowa, the home of the AAA Iowa Cubs. Being a Cubs fan, I've experienced over twenty years of heartbreak. I suppose that's why I kept my enthusiasm for the recent National League Central pennant race to myself. I watched the Cubs battle for 1st place throughout the year and didn't want to jinx them. Now that the the Cubbies have won the NL Central and have a 1-0 playoff lead over Atlanta, I'm finally letting myself get excited.

My love of professional sports teams surprises many people. I guess I don't strike them as the sportsfan type. Actually, I'm not really a fan of professional baseball or basketball, per se. Rather, I'm a fan of the Chicago Cubs and the Denver Nuggets. If the Cubs or Nuggets aren't involved in a game, I don't watch.

Tonight's Cubs/Braves game, which begins in two hours or so, features Zambrano vs Hampton. For the baseball novices out there, Hampton used to be on the Colorado Rockies. While he was here in Denver, he sucked. Big time. Now that he's with the Braves he's "rediscovered" his form. Ha! Having watched Hampton at Coors Field (I'm a casual Rockies fan), I think he fell victim to Coors Field headcase syndrome. He came to Coors Field and bought into the into the "This-Is-A-Hitters-Park" hype. Granted, Coors Field is a tougher-than-usual park in which to pitch. That being said, the ballpark shouldn't be blamed for all of Hampton's problems. He pitched HORRIBLY. His record would have been mediocre, at best, in ANY ballpark. Pay a guy $10 million and he brings junk to the mound? Give me a break. As a result of his fragile psyche and horrific stint in Denver, Hapton has joined my Top Ten Most-Despised Professional Athletes list. I hope the Cubs slam him tonight.

Think I'm being harsh on Hampton? Wait until you hear my thoughts on Greg Maddux, the man who holds the #2 position on the Most-Despised Professional Athletes list (For the record, Nick Van Exel still holds the #1 position).

Fearless Prediction for tonight's game:

Cubs 4
Braves 5

I hope I'm wrong, but my baseball sixth sense is telling me that the Cubs will drop this one. They'll get you next time, Hampton! ::shakes fist in the air::