Attention Media Outlets

To CNN, Fox News, CBS, ABC, NBC. Google News, Yahoo News, and any other source of news on this planet:

I don't give a shit about celebrity appearances, "public interest" stories (who's really interested in this crap?), or opinions. As such, the following "news" stories should be removed. Immediately.

1. Britney Spears' marriage and annulment.
2. Robert Duvall's opinion on Steven Spielberg's visit to Cuba.
3. Courtney Cox's pregnancy.
4. Liza Minnelli's divorce.
5. Kate Hudson's baby.
6. Steve Irwin & his baby feeding crocodiles.
7. Justin Timberlake's women.
8. Harrison Ford's divorce.
9. Anything about Edie Brickell
10. The determination of Tom Cruise.

Really. Take the stories down. Now. There are far more pressing matters facing our world. The very fact that you continue to call these stories "news" is an insult to the public.