A National Tragedy!

I knew it wouldn't be long before someone entered the fray. Bishops from the Massachusetts Catholic Conference have declared the recent MA Supreme Court decision a "national tragedy."

Blustering Bishops

How can someone denounce this decision and, in the same breath, state that they don't wish to step on anyone's civil rights? I'm mystified.

Here's a simple test for deciding whether or not something is an issue of civil rights. Take the word used to describe the group of people in question, gays and lesbians, and replace it with a term used to describe an ethnic, cultural, racial, or religious group. I'll provide a couple examples.

Here's the argument as presented:

Allowing gays and lesbians to marry is a sure formula for chaos.

Now, let's run the test.

Allowing Blacks to marry is a sure formula for chaos.
Allowing Native Americans to marry is a sure formula for chaos.
Allowing Jews to marry is a sure formula for chaos.
Allowing Muslims to marry is a sure formula for chaos.
Allowing interracial couples to marry is a sure formula for chaos.

Sounds pretty ridiculous doesn't it?

Persecution

If we are to change the direction of our country, and turn people against Bush’s occupation of Iraq, we are going to have to face the ire and persecution of our local communities. If peace people in every local community insisted that our troops be brought home immediately, that the U.N. be sent in to restore Iraq, that all U.S. military aid to the Middle East be cut, and that our arsenal of weapons of mass destruction be dismantled, then we might all find soldiers marching at our front doors, trying to intimidate us. If we can face our soldiers, call them to quit the military and urge them to disobey orders to kill, then perhaps some of them will refuse to fight, become conscientious objectors and take up the wisdom of nonviolence. If we can look them in the eye and engage them in personal Satyagraha as Gandhi demonstrated, then we know that the transformation has begun (Military confronts civilian)

Amen, Father John.

Banned!

Without my knowledge, I've apparently joined an elite group. I couldn't be happier!

I was just up at the BYU library and tried to access your
page....congratulations, dearie, your page has been banned!

I thought it was hysterical.

Take care-
Tiff

I suspect my frequent rants on gay marriage and the prolific use of the "F" word triggered the BYU internet filters. While I'd like to think some BYU bigwig read my blog, damning me to Hell with each offensive post, I know I'm not all that important. Still, the issue of an institute of higher learning employing internet filters is bothersome. Isn't higher education about an open exchange of ideas, no matter how different they may be from our own? How can graduates of BYU claim to be well-educated if they've only been given access to a limited number of views? If you're not familiar with BYU, the school is affiliated with Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Unless I miss my guess, I suspect views that clash with LDS ideology are difficult to find.

Someday, I'm going to get all decked out in alternative garb, walk to the center of the BYU quad, and scream "Fuck!" as loud as I can. I wonder if security will chase me across campus? What a great image.

Iconoclastically yours,

D

Sacred Institution

"Marriage is a sacred institution between a man and a woman. Today's decision of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court violates this important principle," Mr. Bush said in a brief statement released by the White House. "I will work with congressional leaders and others to do what is legally necessary to defend the sanctity of marriage."

Actually, George, marriage is a legal union between two people who commit to monogamy, financial cooperation, and, if they choose, a future family. What? You don't believe me? Take some time out of your busy schedule and stroll down to the local County Clerk and Recorder. With valid IDs, ten bucks, and the ten minutes it takes to fill out the paperwork, a couple can obtain a marriage license. To make the whole thing even less sacred, a couple doesn't need a spiritual officiant to seal the deal. In fact, here in Colorado you don't even need a witness. Just sign your names on the appropriate lines, mail the completed license to the appropriate address, and you're married! Voila! Maybe I'm confused, but I'm not sure I see the "sacred" element to the entire process. If a couple chooses to enter into a relationship by way of a spiritual ceremony of some sort, they're more than welcome to do so. However, there's nothing in the legal paperwork declaring marriage a sacred institution.

One more time, George: the American people don't need you to make the decisions regarding what we should consider sacred and secular. We'll handle that on our own, thank you very much. In case you need a refresher, let me point toward the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. Does the phrase "separation of Church and State" ring a bell? How about "Freedom of Religion." When you start legislating based on your religious convictions, you cross that line. And that's exactly why we have the Constitution. Checks and balances suck, eh George? Now before you go off claiming that the "majority of people" don't support gay marriage, let me remind you that the Bill of Rights was put in place to protect the minority from the tyranny of the majority. Just because the majority of U.S. Americans don't support the idea of gay marriage, doesn't mean that homosexuals don't have civil rights. Example: at one time most U.S. citizens didn't support a woman's right to vote. We all know how that turned out. Come on, George, and everyone else who supports "protecting the sanctity of marriage," this really isn't all that difficult. Simply put, there's a difference between your religious convictions and the protection of someone's civil rights. You're more than welcome to your religious convictions. In fact, that's probably one of the few things I can almost admire about you. You have your beliefs and they seem sincere (but a bit contradictory). In this case, however, civil rights trump your religious convictions.

**Religious convictions which seem to wax and wane. You do believe in Thou Shalt Not Kill, right? Three words: "Iraq" and "Death Penalty." In both instances, George Bush seems to trump the word of God. Now THAT'S an ego. Or an inability to recognize fundamental flaws in reasoning. I'm leaning toward the latter.

You're Fucked.

Is there a better Thanksgiving movie than Planes, Trains, and Automobiles? Is there a better all-time movie quote than Neal Page's car rental flip-out?

Car Rental Agent: Welcome to Marathon, may I help you?

Neal Page: Yes.

Car Rental Agent: Well, How may I help you?

Neal Page: You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks. And you can give a fucking automobile. A fucking Buick, a fucking Datson, a fucking Toyota . . four fucking wheels and a seat!

Car Rental Agent: I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.

Neal Page: And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there. And I really didn't care to fucking walk down a fucking highway and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile at my fucking face. I want a fucking car RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

Car Rental Agent: May I see your rental agreement.

Neal Page: I threw it away.

Car Rental Agent: Oh boy.

Neal Page: Oh boy what?

Car Rental Agent: You're fucked!

I should add that I had a similar flip-out while at my convention. Having flown a red-eye flight to Miami (I left Denver at 9 PM and arrived in Miami at 8 AM), I arrived at the hotel and soon discovered they'd screwed up my reservation. After patiently explaining the situation three different times, I lost it and the F-word started flying. Like Neal, my choice in vocabulary didn't change the situation. I was fucked.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Lewd and Potentially Explosive Behavior

The following email just arrived in my Inbox. I'm at home on Thanksgiving break and this kind of excitement continues on campus?

Today at 7:35 a.m., a half-hour after Morgan Library opened, a
custodian at the library reported lewd behavior by a couple in the
second floor men?s room. CSU-PD responded and took into custody a
juvenile female and a 28-year-old male. The male and female, who are
not students or employees of Colorado State University, were
apprehended without incident.

A suspicious device that looked like a grenade was found in the
mens restroom where the couple had been, so police immediately
evacuated the building of 100 staff members and about six student
library patrons.

The CSU police removed the device and safely destroyed it outside
in a special container. Early indications show that the device was
non-explosive.

Nothing more was discovered after the library was checked with a
bomb-sniffing police dog. The library was reopened at 10:45 a.m.

Drug paraphernalia and drugs were found on the male suspect, who is
being questioned by CSU-PD and who may face felony charges.

Eeeewww!

Warning: while reading this piece I almost blew granola all over my monitor. Proceed with caution.

Bodysnatchers

Watch Your Mind Carefully

Don't forget to bring the good experiences of meditation into your daily activities. Instead of acting and reacting impulsively and following your thoughts and feelings here and there, watch your mind carefully, be aware, and try to deal skillfully with problems as they arise. If you can do this each day, your meditation will have been successful.

-Kathleen McDonald, "How to Meditate"

We're Liberators, Not Occupiers. Really!

Some Iraqis don't see us as liberators of their country. After a U.S. American vehicle was attacked, witnesses reported the following.

About a dozen swarming teenagers dragged the soldiers out of the wreckage and beat them with concrete blocks, the witnesses said.

"They lifted a block and hit them with it on the face," said Younis Mahmoud, 19.

Occupation

The Rhetor Returns!

I've been at the National Communication Association for a few days. Blogging will commence shortly!

BFOQs

I don't know why I keep stumbling across these workplace related articles ::shrugs:: From time to time, I teach Business and Professional Speaking. While the class isn't my favorite, I do undestand it's a necessary skills course for many people. During the course of the semester, we spend a day or two talking about legitimate interview questions or bonafide occupational questions (BFOQs). What a person is supposed to do if they're asked a non-BFOQ is always an interesting discussion. I like the answer provided by this article.

Illegal Questions

Personally, I think I'd respond with the following:

"You do realize that's an illegal question, right? You should sign up for my Business and Professional Speaking course. We cover BFOQs, which your question isn't. Here's my card. I'll be happy to sign an override if my section is full. Until that time, I believe our interview is finished. I have no intention of working for such an unprofessional dolt as yourself. I'll let myself out."

Boxers or Briefs? PC or Mac?

This year's cool Presidential debate question, PC or Mac, wasn't generated by a hip audience member. Instead, CNN planted the question.

PC or Mac

Is there anything in the media that isn't manipulated? I don't think so, either.

bang fai phaya nak

Great Balls of Fire

My Name is Derek and I'm a Bush Hater

If there is one thing you can call a truth in this world, it's the following: I despise our President. Like Molly Ivins, I can list a litany of reasons on why we should jettison the Charlatan-in-Chief. His tax cuts are a joke*, his foreign policy decisions are a mess (see Iraq), and his commitment to "saving marriage" is an insult to anyone who believes civil rights are an inalienable right. Don't even get me started on the religiosity of his discourse. Ugh.

*See Reagonimcs. Trickle down economics didn't work during the 1980s and it won't work now. Back in the late 1970s, Bush the Elder (was running against Reagan for the Republican Party nomination for the Presidency) referred to trickle-down economics as "Voodoo economics."

Dating and Work Don't Mix

This should be a must read for every person entering the workplace.

Don't Date At Work

This Nation was never intended to be a Christian Nation.

I think someone's been reading my blog. I really like the following:

This Nation was never intended to be a Christian Nation. We are, however, a Nation of people who practice their faiths without fear of religious persecution, or government interference.

Freedom of Religion

Trippin!

As a recovering alcoholic (10 years, 5 months, and 7 days), I'm always interested by new developments in the rehab/recovery field. While I didn't have the resources to attend rehab, I know that's the start many need. Most rehab programs go something like this: admit that you have a problem, uncover the reasons behind why you drank/drugged, identify specific character defects (low self-esteem, selfishness, fear of being alone, etc.), accept personal responsibility for all your problems, make right the wrongs of the past (those that you can), and pass on what you have learned. Throughout the process, most programs encourage you to develop a spiritual connection to something greater than yourself. The nature of the path--Buddhist, Taoist, Wiccan, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, etc.--doesn't really matter. The important part of embracing a spiritual path is that the person in recovery has something to turn to other than drugs & alcohol. Rather than drowning a fiery temper in a fifth of bourbon or a case of Olympia, the person in recovery uses spirituality to extinguish the painful flames. For most of us, finding the right spiritual path is not an easy task.

I suppose my struggle to find a spiritual path is why I'm so skeptical of the following article. I have difficulties understanding how a piece of rootbark could stimulate a spiritual experience and cure someone of their addictions. To take that line of thought one step further: how could a plant stimulate a similar spiritual experience among so many different people? Is there really something inherently spiritual or magickal about this root? I have my doubts.

Magic Rootbark

I've Got Bloginality

Tiffany posted a link to a Bloginality (personality) test. It comes as no surprise that I'm an ENTP.

What's an ENTP? Check out the following links--I think they describe me well. The first is particularly appropriate.

ENTP1
ENTP2

On the Lighter Side

Recent DVD purchases:

Mars Attacks
Logan's Run
The Lost Boys
The Matrix: Reloaded
The Hulk

Recent Book Purchases:

Emerson
Experiences Between Philosophy and Communication: Engaging the Philosophical Contributions of Calvin O. Schrag
The Post-Subcultures Reader
Rhetorical Bodies
Using the Force: Creativity, Community, and Star Wars Fans

The Dead Don't Exist

The Bush Administration PR machine is at it again.

Don't Mention the Dead

Geez. Is there anything this adminstration doesn't try to spin?

Real People

When the media reports a soldier's death, we cringe. At least I hope most people cringe. What we don't see, however, is how that death affects people who were closest to the victim.

Fiance
High School Connections

Every single U.S. casualty is an individual, a living person with family, friends, acquaintances, and what not. How easy it is to forget that.

The Matrix: Rebooted

Kathleen and I took in The Matrix: Revolutions last evening. My review: heavy on form, light on substance. While I found the movie entertaining (great eye candy), I found nothing thought provoking. While the first film really broke some new ground, the 2nd and 3rd films haven't offered anything new. Oh, and the closing scenes of Revolutions leaves the possibility of a sequel wide open.

Fearless Prediction: If/when another Matrix film comes to your theater (2007 is my guess) the film will be titled The Matrix: Rebooted.

Remember, you heard it here first.

When Will It End?

Another bad day in Baghdad:

U.S. Helicopter Down

I have yet to see a convincing argument that military action was the ONLY way to liberate the Iraqi people. For those who say, "But the Bush Administration spent nearly a year searching for a diplomatic solution! They exhausted every diplomatic avenue at their disposal!" Did they? Did Bush and his boys really push for a diplomatic solution or did they use diplomacy to try and sway world opinion toward a military solution? I'd suggest they opted for the latter.

I'll NEVER understand why people support the use of violence as a problem-solving strategy.

Revolutionary Rocker

This one's for Gene:

Jenny Toomey: Revolutionary Rocker

Top Ten Convervative Idiots

Grounded in more than a bit of truth:

Top Ten

Heroes, Heroines, and Villains, Pt. II

Bring on the teams!

Favorite Heroic Teams:

The Avengers
The Thunderbolts
The Outsiders (Present Run)
The X-men (circa Uncanny X-men issue 153)
The Justice League


Favorite Villainous Teams:

The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants (Mystique, Blob, Avalanche, Pyro, Destiny)
The U-foes
Masters of Evil
The Marauders
The Sinister Six

Heroes, Heroines, and Villains

I've been teaching a unit on archetypes in Popular Culture. Last week, we spent a full day talking about heroes, heroines, and villains. For several days now I've been thinking about my favorites.

Favorite Comic Book Heroes:

Green Lantern (Kyle Rayner)
Iron Man
The Black Knight
Colossus
Hawkeye

Favorites Heroines:

Jade
She-Hulk
Ms. Marvel/Binary/Warbird
Dazzler
Cleo

Favorite Villains:

Sinestro
Magneto
The Taskmaster
Ultron
The Hobgoblin

Feel free to offer your own favorites via comments.

The Pumpkin Show

I don't know why, but I've been obsessed with the Circleville, OH Pumpkin Show for several years. Someday, I'll attend the glorious event.

The Pumpkin Show

Now that's a pumpkin pie. Check out the Big Wheel race, too!

Gays Plot to Overthrow Western Civilization: President Declares Marriage Protection Week

Watch out, everyone! Loving gay men and lesbian women have the ability to destroy the institution of marriage! Oh, brother. President Bush, put down the bible, stop wasting my time with your thinly-veiled proselytizing, and get started on the task of running this country.

I love this passage from the linked article:

The other night in bed, my partner rolled over in his sleep, took all the blankets with him, and started snoring. Lovely. I looked over at him and thought about what conservatives say: that our relationship threatens the very fabric of western civilization.

When he brought me coffee this morning, kissed my forehead and said, "Hi sweetie," I tried to figure out how our love undermines straight marriages.

Read the rest of the author's thoughts here: Gay Apocolypse Now

Let's be honest, the objections to same sex marriage stem from Christian ideology. I've said it once on this blog and I'll say it again, THIS IS NOT A CHRISTIAN NATION. This is a republic, a country comprised of 270 million people of diverse spiritual backgroungs (80% of the population identifies as Christian). Despite what some southern judges believe, our legal system is NOT grounded in Christian beliefs. Despite what some Representatives and Senators believe, our legislative system is NOT for coercing members of a society to follow a particular religious doctrine (which is exactly what a constitutional amendment "protecting marriage" would do). Despite what our President believes, he does NOT have a hotline to God, he was NOT chosen by God to run this country (although divine intervention would explain how we lost the popular vote and still won the election*), and marriage doesn't need his divinely-inspired protection. What this country does need is a President who will quit trying to force his religious convictions on those of us who don't need his help.

*Yes, I understand how the antiquated electoral college system works. Thanks for asking.

A plague o' both your houses!

For the person who has everything:

Plaguedomes

I love the Three Days of Darkness globe. I think I may get the Plague of Locusts dome for my parents.

Celebrity Comparison

The latest celebrity comparsion:

Yanni.

What?! I lool like like Yanni? Kill me now.

I'll be posting more frequently, I hope. I've been buried under an avalanche of papers and midterms.

Proud to be an American!

Uh, not so much.

Reserves on Medical Hold

Goodnight, Cubs Fans

Another year, another Cubs disappointment. The millions of bandwagon Cubs fans will disappear, leaving only the true fans of the loveable losers. We'll wake up tomorrow, shake our heads, and wish things would have ended differently. By late afternoon, we'll be stressing over the prospect of keeping Prior and dreaming of next year. Just another day as a diehard Cubs fan.

Goodnight fellow Cubs fans.

Fucking Fan

The Chicago Cubs curse is alive and well. Thanks to an IDIOT of a fan, who will be lucky to leave Wrigley Field without sustaining serious injuries, and an error by Gonzalez, the Marlins have scored seven runs in the top of the eighth inning. I'm absolutely disgusted. For the first time in years, I actually swore at a televised sporting event. How stupid is that?

Fearless prediction: The Marlins will advance to the World Series. This entire situation has 1984 written all over it.

Mixed Grill

Big Media Gets Bigger
The Imperial Grand Strategy
Newspapers Receive Identical Letters from Iraq
E.T. and God
Psychic Vampires

Bon apetit.

Down, er, Up With Hip-huggers!

Look, I'm cool with people wearing whatever their hearts desire. Like the author of the following piece, however, I've grown weary of the ever descending trend in blue jean fashion. When you hear a young woman say, "When I bought these jeans last weekend, I thought I was going to have to shave,"* it's probably time to reverse course and send the female waistline creeping upward a tad.

Hip-Huggers

*One of my friends heard this comment from a customer. For those not following the young woman's line of thought, she isn't talking about shaving her legs or armpits.

Cardiac Cubs

After twenty plus years of cheering on the Cubs, one would think I'd learn not to watch the games. During tonight's game, I was up and down like a yo-yo. The final result: Cubs lose! Cubs fucking lose! At least there's decent pitching headed to the mound tomorrow night. For the sake of my health, I'll probably refrain from watching the game.

Letterman Loses His Cool . . . In 1988

I stumbled across an article depicting the infamous encounter between Harvey Pekar, author of the comicbook American Splendor, and David Letterman.

The Big Shill

Although the incident occured in 1988, the exchange struck a nerve of my own. I recently met with the financial advisor who supervises one of my retirement accounts. Like most finance companies, this one offers a myriad of "funds" in which to invest. Each fund allocates varying percentages of a contribution to numerous corporations (Microsoft 4.2%, IBM 3.7%, Pfizer 3.5%, Citicorp, 3.3%, Walmart 3.0%, etc).

The financial advisor recommended several particular funds, funds she felt would produce a good return during the coming year. Before agreeing to any particular allocation schedule, I asked to see the profiles of the various funds. She seemed surprised that I wanted to see the various companies involved with each fund. She kept pointing out projected returns ("You can see this fund has averaged an 11% return for the past two years") and I kept asking about the corporations. After several rounds of "Check-Out-This-Fund-What-Corporations-Are-Involved" she finally suggested I handle the allocations on my own. She even suggested two "Social Awareness" funds designed for people just like me.

I took her advice and checked out the "Social Awareness" funds. To my surprise, General Electric and Wal-Mart were two of the top ten corporations of the "social' funds. What? Are you kidding me? General Electric, the manufacturer of engines for military fighter aircraft, is considered a socially conscious corporation? How can any company who profits off of war be considered socially conscious?! And do I really need to rant about Wal-Mart? Wal-Mart, the corporation that limits employee hours in order to save money on benefits (most employees aren't allowed to work a full-time schedule, thus keeping them below the benefits threshold)? Ugh! Am I the only person who cares about this kind of thing? I don't want to make money by supporting what I consider to be unethical practices. Is that such a bizarre thought? Apparently so.

Cubs vs Braves, Game Four

A win today and the Cubs move on to the NL Championship series, their first playoff series victory since 1908. Ortiz is pitching on short rest for Atlanta; Clements is pitching for the Cubs.

Fearless prediction:

Braves 4
Cubs 6

Cub fans, prepare to celebrate!

Prior vs Maddux

It's been a decade since Greg Maddux fled the Cubs and signed with the Atlanta Braves. I still haven't forgiven him. There's a part of me that cheers every time he loses a game. Tonight, I'll have the opportunity to cheer again.

Fearless prediction:

Braves 3
Cubs 6

Unfortunately, I'll miss the Cubs pounding Maddux. I'm heading to a lecture by my favorite author, Starhawk. Several years ago, in a time of great spiritual turmoil, I picked up a copy of her first book (The Spiral Dance), read the first few pages, and knew my life would never be the same. Of all the authors who have influenced my life, Starhawk leads the way.

Kathleen's Queer Eye Match

Kathleen took the Queer Eye Match test. Her results are in:


Kyan: Grooming Guru


Which Member from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is your type?
brought to you by Quizilla

Oddly enough, Kyan would have been her first pick. That's a pretty accurate test.

Cubs Win! Cubs Win! Hooooly Cow!

As I think I've mentioned before, I'm a HUGE Chicago Cubs fan. No, I've never lived in Chicago. I did, however, grow up just outside of Des Moines, Iowa, the home of the AAA Iowa Cubs. Being a Cubs fan, I've experienced over twenty years of heartbreak. I suppose that's why I kept my enthusiasm for the recent National League Central pennant race to myself. I watched the Cubs battle for 1st place throughout the year and didn't want to jinx them. Now that the the Cubbies have won the NL Central and have a 1-0 playoff lead over Atlanta, I'm finally letting myself get excited.

My love of professional sports teams surprises many people. I guess I don't strike them as the sportsfan type. Actually, I'm not really a fan of professional baseball or basketball, per se. Rather, I'm a fan of the Chicago Cubs and the Denver Nuggets. If the Cubs or Nuggets aren't involved in a game, I don't watch.

Tonight's Cubs/Braves game, which begins in two hours or so, features Zambrano vs Hampton. For the baseball novices out there, Hampton used to be on the Colorado Rockies. While he was here in Denver, he sucked. Big time. Now that he's with the Braves he's "rediscovered" his form. Ha! Having watched Hampton at Coors Field (I'm a casual Rockies fan), I think he fell victim to Coors Field headcase syndrome. He came to Coors Field and bought into the into the "This-Is-A-Hitters-Park" hype. Granted, Coors Field is a tougher-than-usual park in which to pitch. That being said, the ballpark shouldn't be blamed for all of Hampton's problems. He pitched HORRIBLY. His record would have been mediocre, at best, in ANY ballpark. Pay a guy $10 million and he brings junk to the mound? Give me a break. As a result of his fragile psyche and horrific stint in Denver, Hapton has joined my Top Ten Most-Despised Professional Athletes list. I hope the Cubs slam him tonight.

Think I'm being harsh on Hampton? Wait until you hear my thoughts on Greg Maddux, the man who holds the #2 position on the Most-Despised Professional Athletes list (For the record, Nick Van Exel still holds the #1 position).

Fearless Prediction for tonight's game:

Cubs 4
Braves 5

I hope I'm wrong, but my baseball sixth sense is telling me that the Cubs will drop this one. They'll get you next time, Hampton! ::shakes fist in the air::

Queer Eye Match

Too funny. What's even funnier is that I would have picked Ted without taking the quiz.


Ted: Food & Wine Connoisseur


Which Member from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is your type?
brought to you by Quizilla

Being Metrosexual

According to my students and friends, I'm a Metrosexual.

Guilty as charged.

The Caucasian Club

Lisa Mclelland, a misguided and misinformed fifteen-year-old, wants to start a Caucasian Club at her high school. Since the school has a Black Student Union, an Asian Club, Hispanic Club, and Latinos Unidos, Lisa feels her people should be represented equally. Lisa, you're a default member of the White Club every single day of your life. Look around your community, peruse a few media sources (television, film, magazines--it doesn't matter which), and scope out the people who lead your city, county, state, and country. Unless I miss my guess, I suspect you'll see people like you no matter where you turn.

I should mention three other things, Lisa. First, the term "caucasian" is no longer an appropriate term when classifying people by race. The appropriate term is "white". The U.S. American scientific community incorporated this change years ago. Second, if you're going to grant media interviews, you might want to pay attention in English class. The proper grammer is "My mom and I talked about it . . . ", not "my mom and Me . . . " Finally, I thought I'd offer some curriculum suggestions for the Caucasian Club. Here you go:

Appropriating Culture: How White Men Hijacked Rock & Roll, Hip Hop, Jazz, and Almost Every Other Kind of Music.
Practical Genocide: Annihilating Indigenous Populations
White History Month: Too Much White History is Never Enough
"I'm trying to break racial barriers": How to be a Racist and Not Sound Like One.
Women and the Workplace: What the Hell were They Thinking?*

That should help get the club off the ground, Lisa. Let me know if you need a guest speaker.

*Subtitled: Get Back In that Kitchen!

Postmodernism rejects the idea of there being firm foundations to social life.

Um, not really. This article, a book review actually, offers a critique of postmodernism and suggests a return to "knowing the truth." I'll offer my critique of the critique sometime this weekend.

Who Ya Gonna Call?

Two days ago, a representative from the Benefits Office called and set up an appointment to review my retirement arrangements. After a brief discussion of our schedules, we found a time that worked for both of us. From that point forward, the conversation took a rather unusual turn.

Rep: Where’s your office?
Derek: I’m in room 321, General Services Building.
Rep: The General Services Building? Really?
Derek: Yep. Room 321.
Rep: Have you ever been there at night?
Derek: No. I finish teaching at 5:00 PM and hit the road. Why?
Rep: Did you know the building is supposedly haunted?
Derek: What?
Rep: I’m not kidding. I have a couple clients who won’t work in that building.
Derek: No way.
Rep: Seriously. They work for Facilities. You should ask around.
Derek: I work in a haunted building? How cool is that?!
Rep: Parts of that building were transported, by rail, from Wyoming. You should check out the history of the campus–you could probably discover some interesting things about that building.
Derek: I am SO going to sleep in my office.
Rep: ::laughs nervously:: You’ll have to let me know how that goes. I’m interested in this kind of thing, but I don’t want to have an actual run in with a spirit.
Derek: A run in with a spirit? How cool would that be!?
Rep: Better you than me. We’re on for Thursday. See you then.

I, of course, had to start investigating the rumor. When I arrived at school Tuesday, I mentioned the story to Lin, one of the long-time department office staff (she’s known me since I was an undergraduate). Although she hadn’t heard the rumor, she did confess to a fascination with things paranormal. Thinking I was on my own, I planned on approaching other inhabitants of the General Services Building (GSB). Late yesterday afternoon, I received an email from Lin. After providing an update on the phone situation (four weeks into the semester and my office phone still won’t work--maybe it’s haunted), Lin included some information about the haunted building. As she went through her routine yesterday, she asked some very credible folks around campus about the General Services Building. Two of those she encountered confirmed the rumor: the General Services Building is said to be haunted. She also managed to track down an out-of-print copy of a book detailing the early history of Colorado State. With any luck, we should be able to get some info about the origins of the GSB.

After talking it over with Kathleen, we’ve decided we need to do a little Ghostbusting. In fact, we’ve decided to do an overnight fact-finding mission. We’ll bring the dogs (they’re better at detecting spirits than humans), our sleeping bags, and the digital camera. As I have internet access in my office, we’ll be able to blog the entire adventure (or misadventure). Periodically, we’ll roam the corridors of the General Services Building. With a bit of luck, we’ll encounter something out-of-the-ordinary.

Proposal Away!

I just sent a "finished" draft of my dissertation proposal/Chapter One to my advisor. With any luck he'll like the draft, won't suggest any major changes, and convene a meeting of my dissertation committee to make sure everyone is on board with my approach. As most of the members of my committee are at least somewhat familiar with my work, I don't anticipate any major problems. Still, it's always prudent to proceed with a bit of skepticism. As with any research project, there are bound to be numerous discussions regarding theoretical perspectives, methodologies, and writing styles. Realistically, while this is a formal draft it isn't the final version.

Here's a sample paragraph from the introduction of my proposal:

In The self after postmodernity, C. Schrag (1997) adds his voice to the reclamation of the de-centered and dislocated self-as-subject. Agreeing with the postmodern critique of the self as essence or pre-ontological substance, he refuses to discard the notion of self altogether. Schrag states, “In the aftermath of the deconstruction of traditional metaphysics and epistemology, a new self emerges, like the phoenix arising from its ashes--a praxis oriented self, defined by its communicative practices, oriented toward an understanding of itself in its discourse, its action, its being with others . . .” (p. 9). Contesting the traditional placement of the rhetor as the originating source of subjectivity for both self and other, Schrag suggests a reconceptualization that transforms rhetoric from “being-to-and-for-the-other” into a rhetoric of “being-with-others” (p. 77). The reclamation of the self-as-subject through the constitutive nature of rhetorical performance is the focal point of this essay.

Bring on Chapter Two! w00t!

Party On, Wayne!

Aren't we supposed to be restoring "order" in Iraq? How does killing a rare Bengal tiger fit into The Pentagon's mission?

Zoo Party

Seriously, why are U.S. troops partying at the Baghdad zoo? This entire Iraq situation keeps getting more and more ridiculous. My tax dollars just contributed to the killing of an endangered species. Terrific.

Meet Paul Krugman

Over the course of the last year, I've posted several articles by liberal columnist Paul Krugman. Who is Paul Krugman and why should we listen to what he has to say? I'm glad you asked.

Meet Paul Krugman

A Disgusting Garbage Parasite

This link is for Gene:

The Dianoga

Not that Gene is a disgusting garbage parasite or anything. He's a friend and fellow geek who needs to brush up on his Star Wars zoology.

IMing not Related to Work!

Did anyone really need to conduct a survey to figure out that instant messaging isn't being used for work-related activities? One of my former professors would call that a "no shit" study.

My force is no longer with me

I'm putting together a lecture on the use of ambiguous language (words or phrases that have more than one definition or interpretation). During one part of the discussion, I'm focusing on euphemisms or the use of innocuous words or phrases as a substitute for unpleasant or harmful words or phrases. For example, the phrase "I need a little space" is a euphemism for "Back off! You're annoying the hell out of me." While surfing the net for some examples of commonly used euphemisms, I came across the following David Letter Top Ten List.

Top Ten Star Wars Fan Euphemisms For Not Having A Girlfriend

10. Camping alone outside the theater.
9. My force is no longer with me.
8. The Death Star is not yet operational.
7. The Empire's striking out.
6. Shaking hands with the wookie.
5. Darth Vader has no place to put his helmet.
4. Oiling the droid.
3. Unable to set coordinates for the planet Babe.
2. Spending the night with Han Solo.
1. Tractor beam not powerful enough.

Mixed Grill

Today's Menu:

Peace Party
Art of the Insult
Farewell Galileo
Peaceful Tomorrows
Book Report

Bon Appetit

Dependence

Because we all share this planet earth, we have to learn to live in harmony and peace with each other and with nature. That is not just a dream, but a necessity. We are dependent on each other in so many ways that we can no longer live in isolated communities and ignore what is happening outside those communities.

-The Dalai Lama

Woven into One Design

A week ago today, Kathleen and I started our life-long spiritual journey. While our actual ceremony was private (Kathleen, myself, and a spiritual healer were the only people present), we did manage to get most of it recorded on paper. Actually, Sandra Marie gave us a copy of the ceremony she wrote and I added our vows.

Make sure you visit the link that follows the script of the ceremony. Our friends John and Tess shot some photos of the reception and posted them on their website. In case you've never met us before, we're the ones with the matching tattoos.

INVOCATION
We call forth the Divine and Infinite Wisdom of those Great Beings of Light. Buddha, Christ, the Ascendant Masters and Angels. We also invite our ancestral Spirits to partake in this Divine Union between Kathleen and Derek. We ask that you open and fill our hearts with your presence, elevate our Spirits and lift us to a state of true joy as we celebrate this sacred moment.

Kathleen and Derek stand before you to affirm their Love and Commitment to each other, and to state what is in their hearts and ask your Divine Blessings for their Union. I ask that this spiritual partnership be uplifted and united in All That Is. And so it is!

FOUNDATION
Kathleen and Derek you are both entering into to this Spiritual Partnership as a result of the journeys you have both experienced. These journeys have presented you with challenges and opportunities for your Souls growth. These experiences have provided the rich soil for your love to grow. You have created together a strong foundation of affection, honesty, sensitivity, mutual support, respect and faith in yourselves, in each other and in the love you share. It is this foundation that has led you to the choice and commitment that you make today, the commitment to bind your spirits together in love and partnership, to nurture and respect each other’s uniqueness and individuality and to affirm your presence of being through the oneness and union of a true spiritual marriage.

CHARGE
So you stand here now, in the presence of Divine Spirit, ready to go forward in life together in a new way creating your unique Spiritual Partnership. One filled with spiritual awareness, love and joy, trust and perseverance, compassion and understanding, delightful surprises of discovery and sharing.

THE QUESTION
If you wish now to affirm your free choice of one another as partners, united in this Sacred Union, indicate that wish by join hands.

VOWS

Kathleen:
I, Kathleen Sue Burns, make a spiritual and physical commitment to love you as a friend, partner, and lover. I take your faults and strengths and offer you my faults and strengths. I love you as you are. I promise to share my life and all I am with you. I will always be honest and true with you. You are the light that brightens my mind and shows me a new world. Through love, I know we can face our fears and uncertainty with courage. You are a true partner. I will love you now and always.


Derek:
I, Derek, of my own free will, offer myself to you. In the name of Air, the element of knowledge, imagination, and enlightenment, I offer you intellectual engagement. In the name of Fire, the element of enthusiasm, freedom, and sensuality, I offer you impassioned dedication. In the name of Water, the element of compassion, sensitivity, and dreams, I offer you emotional support. In the name of Earth, the element of strength, stability, and stillness, I offer you physical companionship. In the name of Spirit, the element of transformation, transcendence, and harmony, I offer you a loving partnership.

RINGS
The ring is a circle. The circle is the symbol of the Sun, the Earth, and the Universe. It is a symbol of holiness, and of perfection and peace. It is also the symbol of the eternal spiritual truth, love, and life… that has no beginning and no end. And in this moment Kathleen and Derek have chosen for it to also be a symbol of the unity and their unending love.

Derek:
Kathleen, this ring is a symbol of my physical, emotional, and spiritual commitment to you.

Kathleen:
Derek, this ring is a symbol of my physical, emotional, and spiritual commitment to you.

PRAYER
Spirit of Love and Life, out of this whole world, two souls have found each other. Their destinies shall now be woven into one design, and the perils and their joys shall not be known apart.

Great Spirit with your love and devotion to us we ask your Blessings on these rings. The outward symbol of the love and devotion Derek and Kathleen share with each other. We ask that you fill the circle of their love with your love now and forever. Amen.

Photos

Soundtrack of My Life

Inspired by the passing of Johnny Cash, the Man in Black, a local radio talk show host asked listeners to reflect on the music that shaped their lives. While I didn't call in, I did create a list in my head. Keep in mind, this isn't a list of the all-time greatest Rock and Roll bands. Instead, this is a list of the bands that caught my attention. Some of them made me think, while others were consumed for pure enjoyment. Regardless, these twelve bands comprise the soundtrack of my life.

The Beatles
Yes
Boston
The Steve Miller Band
Sarah McLachlan
Curve
Sleater-Kinney
Siouxsie and the Banshees
theStart
The Sex Pistols
The Muffs
The Cardigans

Picking the actual songs would be a much trickier task. Maybe later.

It's About to Get Worse

Preach on, brother! Preach on.

Krugman

Peace

For world peace to happen, not only must all wars end, but feelings of compassion and mutual respect must be established around the world.

--The Dalai Lama

T-Minus 24 Hours

In a little less than 24 hours, Kathleen and I will be married. Today has been a flurry of pre-nuptial activities. We've been to the liquor store, stylist, Target (for munchies), and the Botanic Gardens to drop everything off. We've been on the phone with the rental company, florist, bakery, Sound Town, spiritual healer, and the vet (one of our dogs decided to develop an illness--nice timing. Thankfully, he'll be fine.). I think all the bases are covered. If anything goes wrong, it's not a result of us having dropped the ball. I'm off to the gym to burn off some of the stress that's built up today. Dealing with details of this sort drives me mad.

Depp in 2004!

Johnny Depp, known for his quirky roles in Edward Scissorhands and Pirates of the Carribean (as well as a host of others), should run for President. After reading his latest comments, he'd definitely get my vote. His remark regarding "freedom fries" is spot on. Depp said:

I was ecstatic they re-named 'French Fries' as 'Freedom Fries'. Grown men and women in positions of power in the U.S. government showing themselves as idiots.

You tell 'em, Johnny. Depp in 2004!

Customer of the Year!

Knowing my obsession with female-fronted power pop and punk, Gene suggested that I give a listen to Metric. I did and, of course, found myself at CD Baby ordering the CD. Today, I received word that my order had shipped. I love their "Your order has shipped" message:

Your CD has been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.

A team of 50 employees inspected your CD and polished it to make sure it was in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CD into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved 'Bon Voyage!' to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day, Sunday, August 31st.

I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did. Your picture is on our wall as 'Customer of the Year'. We're all exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Thank you once again,

Derek Sivers, president, CD Baby
the little CD store with the best new independent music

If only more companies had this much fun while servicing their costumers.

Civics Class

Here's a follow-up to yesterday's Mooregasbord.

Civics

I found the following paragraph particularly poignant:

But the Constitution doesn't just protect church from state and vice versa. It was also designed to protect the minority from the tyranny of the majority - from the indifference with which the majority sometimes wields power.

And that's the crux of the matter, really. The Constitution, particularly the Bill of Rights, was put into place to protect those in the minority from the sometimes-oppressive discourses of the majority. When it comes right down to it, it doesn't matter how many people oppose the removal of the monument.* Ninety-eight percent of U.S. Americans could be opposed to removing the monument and it would still have to go. If Moore or anyone else wants to announcement their Christian beliefs to the world, they have plenty of opportunities. Wear a cross, stick a Jesus fish on your car, erect a prayer altar in your home, put a stone version of the Ten Commandments in your back yard, and attend a candlelight vigil at your local house of worship. If Christianity (or any religion for that matter) offers someone the spiritual solace they need, terrific. I'm thrilled when someone finds a spiritual path that works for them. However, when that other person tries to represent their spiritual path as the path of all citizens, as is the case when a monument is erected on state property, I'll be crying foul.

*Like the author of this op-ed piece, I suspect U.S. Americans would be singing a different tune if I erected a monument that included a pentagram (the five pointed star that represents the five elements of Wiccca: Earth, Air, Fire, Water, and Spirit), the words of Buddha, or lines from the Tao Te Ching.

DAY OF MINDFULNESS

A week from today, Kathleen and I are getting married. As we both practice an eclectic blend of Buddhism, Taoism, Earth-based spirituality, and New Ageism, we decided to enter our life-partnership during a private ceremony: the only people attending will be Kathleen, myself, and Sandra Marie (a spiritual teacher with whom Kathleen has studied for many years). Our families, as one might expect, weren't thrilled with our decision. Our response was simple: "This is our wedding and we want it to be about the two of us. Besides, none of you follow our spiritual path. You won't even get it. There won't be any 'til death do us part' or "do you take thee" stuff. We're forging a spiritual partnership and, to be quite honest, you aren't part of that." In keeping with the spiritual theme of the weekend, we asked my parents to give us a special wedding gift.* Sunday, the day after our wedding, we're attending a Day of Mindfulness gathering with Thich Nhat Hanh. Thich Nhat Hanh is a well-published and well-traveled Buddhist monk who was once nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. A brief description of the seminar, sponsored by Naropa University, follows:

On this day, Thich Nhat Hanh will teach us about the practice of mindfulness in our daily lives, how to touch that source of peace, solidity, and freedom that is in each one of us. This practice transforms the seeds of suffering that lie deep in our consciousness, allowing us to be an instrument of healing and transformation for our families and our society.

There's more on Mindfulness at the Plum Village website. Plum Village is a Buddhist monastery founded by Thich Nhat Hanh during the early 1980s.

*If we hadn't specified a gift, my parents would have purchased something like a gas grill. I'm a vegetarian.

Mixed Grill

Today's Special: Mooregasbord

Moore's Law
Unholy Commandment
Roy's Rock*

*For the record, Maggie, I'm a deeply spiritual person and I oppose Moore's monument to the Ten Commandments. I would also oppose ANY monument that references ANY spiritual belief system. Religion and government shouldn't mix. No exceptions. The separation of Church and State--it's not just for secularists, anymore.

Spam Your Way Back to the Future

While the article positions this guy as a wackadoo, what if he's telling the truth? In how many episodes of Star Trek has someone said, "We can't tell them we're from the future [insert "another planet" here, as well]. They'll never believe us."

The Time Machine

Fallen

Long before becoming obsessed with female-fronted punk & power pop, I discovered Sarah McLachlan. Although I don't listen to her as often as I once did, I still think she has one of the most amazing voices in the music industry. After a long hiatus, Ms. McLachlan has a new CD coming out this fall. The first single from the album just hit the airwaves in Canada. If you poke around the newsgroup alt.music.s-mclachlan, you may stumble across the single.

Fallen (S. McLachlan)

Heaven bent
to take my hand
and lead me through the fire
We've a long awaited answer
to a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
but somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
and the cost was so much more than I could bare

Though I've tried,
Fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
better I should know
so don't come 'round here
and tell me, "I told you so"

We all came with good intent
and love was raw and young
We believed we could change ourselves
the past could be undone
But we carried on our back the burden
Time always reveals
and the lonely light of morning
in the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
that I've held so dear

I've Fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
better I should know
So don't come 'round here
and tell me, "I told you so"

Ooooooh

Heaven bent
to take my hand
No where left to turn
I've lost all those i thought were friends
to everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
that it's one mistep, one slip before you know it
and there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried
Fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
better I should know
So don't come 'round here
and tell me, "I told you so"

Oooh
I messed up
better I should know
So don't come 'round here
and tell me, "I told you so"

Help others

The essence of Buddhism is that if you can, help others. If not, then at least refrain from hurting others.

The Dalai Lama

Random Conversation: Suburban Rebel

Derek: Kathleen, he does that because you don't put Clay on his leash. You're ticked at him and you're the one breaking the rules.

Kathleen: I am breaking the rules and I'm not going to follow them.

Derek: You rebel.

Kathleen: That's right.

The Worst

According to Blender magazine, the following are the fifty worst bands of all time.

1. Insane Clown Posse
2. Emerson, Lake and Palmer
3. Michael Bolton
4. Kenny G
5. Starship
6. Kansas
7. Asia
8. Vanilla Ice
9. Lee Greenwood
10. Air Supply
11. Latoya Jackson
12. Tin Machine
13. Mick Jagger
14. Yngwie Malmsteen
15. Yanni
16. Oingo Boingo
17. Benzino
18. Pat Boone
19. Dan Fogelberg
20. Howard Jones
21. The Alan Parsons Project
22. Primus
23. Creed
24. Bad English
25. Jamiroquai
26. Celine Dion
27. Colour Me Bad
28. Crash Test Dummies
29. Skinny Puppy
30. Richard Marx
31. Arrested Development
32. The Hooters
33. Japan
34. Live
35. Paul Oakenfold
36. 98 Degrees
37. The Doors
38. Nelson
39. Bob Geldof
40. Blind Melon
41. Whitesnake
42. Rick Wakeman
43. Mike and the Mechanics
44. Manowar
45. Gipsy Kings
46. The Spin Doctors
47. Goo Goo Dolls
48. Master P
49. Toad the Wet Sprocket
50. Iron Butterfly

You can check comments on numbers 50-41 here. The rest are available in the print magazine. Although not a regular reader, I may have to track down this issue.

Academic Sojourn

Since I mentioned it in my previous post, here's a snippet of my academic writing.

Throughout my academic sojourn I have always self-identified as a rhetorician, a critical scholar committed to understanding the ways in which communication, both discursive and non-discursive, is employed as a means of constructing, negotiating, and transforming ourselves, others, and the world around us. Most of my recent scholarship focuses on constitutive rhetoric, a performative enterprise that accentuates “the constitution of the subject, where the subject is precisely he or she who simultaneously speaks and initiates action in discourse (a subject to a verb) and in the world (a speaker and social agent) (Charland, 1987, p. 133). With an emphasis on Becoming-in-the-world as opposed to Being-in-the-world, constitutive rhetoric is the interweaving of discursive and non-discursive communication in the everyday social practices of “doing, acting, performing, and accomplishing” (Schrag, 1986, p. 19). From this perspective, the collaborative co-construction of the self, other, and concomitant subject positions occurs in the “space of communicative activity” (Langsdorf, 1993, p. 44).

Grrrrrr. w00t!

For the first time since Monday or Tuesday, I actually found time to sit down and work on my dissertation. I've been struggling with a two page section on postmodern rhetorical criticism. How do you describe a methodology for a philosophical position that has "question everything" as its primary tenet? Maybe I'll post the section when I finally work it out.

Getting frustrated over that particular section yet again, I turned to wrapping up the rest of Chapter One. Just as I'd finished laying out the content of Chapter Four, my computer crashed. As the PC rebooted, I offered words of great praise to the academic Gods and Goddesses: please let there be a backup file. My pleas fell on deaf ears. The existing backup file didn't include a significant portion of my recent work. Looks like I'll be reworking that entire section tomorrow. Grrrrr. How I resisted the temptation to throw my PC out the office window is beyond me.

If anything, this recent problem has motivated me to increase my timetable for a new PC. I'm looking at a system with the following configuration:

AMD Athlon 2500+ Barton Core
512 DDR 333 RAM
80 GB 7200 RPM HD
ATI Radeon 9500 Pro 128 MB DDR Video Card

I'll probably order the PC through ABS Computer. I priced all the components and I'd only save a few bucks if I built the system myself. It's not a top-of-the-line machine, but the motherboard will allow for future upgrades of the CPU. It's a definite improvement over my almost three-year-old system (1 GB, 256 RAM, 20 GB HD, Radeon 7200 32 MB). I'll sleep on it a couple days and make a decision. As Kathleen reminded me tonight, "We've known for some time that you'd need a new computer. Now is as good a time as any." With any luck, the new machine will arrive in time for the release of Jedi Academy! w00t!

Today's Spam

Is it just me or does the amount of spam seem to be increasing? The following are examples of spam I received recently. The phrase preceding the colon is the email subject; the phrase following is the first line of the spam.

What are you up to: Want to quickly and safely increase your penis size?

Need a hug: Generic Viagra!

You are the one and only: Generic Viagra!

apskxxm Fatten up that hott ddogg kkqshh: Enlarge your penis guaranteed

WS It Haarrd - Wow!dlwwd: Real Viagra at unreal prices

I waatch.that_waist.liineftsop: Online pharmacy free next day shipping

nmi)Get)inside)a lady)with it harddnnfl: Real Viagra at unreal prices

KKIs it ttoo small for love?coluyy: Enhance your manhood

Utu Faattten up that member ekx: Enhance your manhood

mggk Shed unwanted kilo'st: Online pharmacy

Thank goodness I use a free email account for all my internet purchase. The spammers haven't found my home accounts . . . yet.

Harry Potter Withdrawals?

Mike, a long-time friend of almost twenty-five years, has a handful of remedies for treating those nasty Harry Potter withdrawals.

Like many of you, I waited anxiously for "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix". Now that it's out and I've read it, I know it'll be another 2 years (or 3? 4? even more?) until we get another installment. In other words, I'm having Harry Potter withdrawals.

If you are having similar issues, let me recommend two fantasy book series that you may enjoy.

The first is the "Mancer" series by Don Callander. I've had these books for several years and read them several times. The first book, "Pyromancer", tells the story of young Douglas Brightglade, a lad who becomes apprenticed to a wizard and studies pyromancy (the magic of fire). He becomes involved in a battle to save World from the power of the evil ice wizard Frigeon. Along the way he meets other interesting characters, human and otherwise. Further adventures of Douglas and his friends are told in the other three books of the series, namely "Aquamancer", "Geomancer", and "Aeromancer".

These books are simple and light-hearted with, in the words of one reviewer, aspects of a fairy tale. The characters are likeable, even if some of the dialogue is a little contrived at times. The plots have occasional interesting twists, though there is never really any doubt that the good guys are going to win. In fact, the surprise is more in how they win than in the fact that they do. There are some interesting concepts here too, like the idea of defeating the bad guy by turning him back to good. All in all, it's a fun series to read but lacks the depth--and especially the angst, thank heavens!--of the Harry Potter books.

Second and more highly recommended is a series by Philip Pullman called "His Dark Materials". I first became aware of this series at a University of Utah bookstore display intended to offer, you guessed it, help for those suffering from Harry Potter withdrawal. Incidentally, this display also recommended "The Lord of the Rings" and "The Chronicles of Narnia", both of which I heartily endorse. Unfortunately, it also recommended the "Artemis Fowl" and the "A Series of Unfortunate Events" books. Although I have never read these series, I am assured by my wife (among other people) that they can be safely ignored. One review I read on the former series seems to sum it up: "If you read the Harry Potter books thinking that Draco Malfoy should have been the hero, you'll love Artemis Fowl."

The three books in "His Dark Materials" are "The Golden Compass", "The Subtle Knife", and "The Amber Spyglass". This story, spread over all three books, tells of the adventures of two young people, Lyra Silvertongue and Will Parry, who come together from two different worlds to help each other accomplish a mission that neither one fully understands. The two young people are almost continually in danger, and though there are several memorable supporting characters, they have to rely mostly on themselves and on each other. As they face nigh-impossible odds, the fate of countless worlds hangs in the balance.

I thought the author did a good job developing the characters in this series, especially Lyra and Will. Lyra is adventurous, curious, headstrong, and imaginative (and occasionally prone to making up stories). Will is quiet, determined, introspective, responsible, and practical. Both are caring, loyal, and exceptionally brave. Better yet, they inspire goodness and bravery in those who come to know and love them. Even two of the significant villains of the piece are moved to self-sacrifice by their feelings for Will and (more importantly) Lyra. True, these two have their shortcomings, but they learn from their mistakes--are you listening, Harry?--and become better people for their experiences. In short, they are good, likeable characters, and easy to cheer for. (Unlike, for example, the above-mentioned Artemis Fowl.) The supporting cast are also complex and well thought out. Of particular interest here are such characters as Texan aeronaut Lee Scoresby, a bear named Iorek Byrnison, witch queen Serafina Pekkala, university researcher Dr. Mary Malone, society lady Mrs. Coulter, and Lyra's Uncle, Lord Asriel.

"His Dark Materials" is a deep and very complex story. It involves all sorts of things that science fiction and fantasy fans will love: magic talismans, enchanted weapons, windows between worlds, theoretical physics, Victorian-era technology ("The Golden Compass" especially has an Imperial London feel to it), theological mysteries, parallel universes, witch clans, armored bears, non-human civilizations, arctic exploration, adventures at sea, heroic rescues, unexpected betrayal, devious villains who appear to be good guys, loyal friends, and heroes who put themselves in harm's way so that the right can prevail. Above all there is the quest (a central element of almost any good fantasy story) that draws in Lyra and Will for seemingly different reasons. The plot is intricately woven and hard to follow at times, but the resolution is satisfactory and leaves the reader (okay, me) wishing there could be another book in the series.

So there you have it. I give the "Mancer" series by Don Callander a B and "His Dark Materials" by Philip Pullman a solid A. And if you haven't read "The Chronicles of Narnia", what's wrong with you? Read it! Yes, I admit it's a little slow sometimes, but C.S. Lewis was a Brit, so what do you expect?

Anyway, I wish you all happy reading. And if any of you have read anything good in this vein lately, let me know. I'll be needing something new to read...in twelve weeks or so.

--M

Take This Pledge and Shove It

Several months ago, a group of Colorado legislators introduced a bill making the Pledge of Allegience mandatory in Colorado public schools. In short, the bill required each student, with a few exceptions (religious beliefs, non-U.S. citizens), to stand at the beginning of each day and recite the pledge. Legislators who supported the bill claimed that reciting the Pledge would help students develop a sense of patriotism. When the bill was introduced, I immediately phoned my state Representative and asked that he vote against such a ridiculous proposition. Considering the conservative makeup of the Colorado state legislature, however, nobody was suprised when the bill passed both houses. As such, Colorado students were to begin reciting the mandatory pledge this week. Thankfully, the ACLU intervened on behalf of teachers and students opposed to the forced recitation of the Pledge.

The Pledge

If the legislators, and people of Colorado who supported this bill, really want to instill a sense of patriotism and love of country in the State's young people, why do it through the Pledge of Allegience? The constitutionality of the bill aside, how does a mindless act, the repetitive chanting of a Pledge, increase anyone's patriotism? If the conservative legislature was truly committed to teach our children about the merits of the U.S. system of government, they'd concentrate on improving Civics, U.S. History, and U.S. Government classes.* The danger in such an approach, however, is that students might learn they have the rights of Free Speech, Freedom of Religion, and the like. Students might learn they have the right to dissent (peacefully) and question the actions of their leaders. Students should learn to love the U.S. through an understanding of the rights and protections afforded by the Constitution, not through the mandated recitation of a Pledge.

*Believe it or not, U.S. History was NOT required in my high school.

Tao

From Chapter One of the The Tao Te Ching

To conduct one's life according to the Tao,
is to conduct one's life without regrets;
to realize that potential within oneself
which is of benefit to all.

Specters of the Past

For the past five years, I’ve associated with the same group of people: Joe, Mary, and Keli. While the core of our friendship group has remained stable, the periphery has been in a constant state of flux. Significant others have come and gone, the excitement of a perspective romantic partner always replaced by the pain of a break-up or divorce. Oddly enough, each of us ended a long-term relationship within the last two years. Through a combination of phone calls, emails, coffee, and cigarettes (three of us have quit smoking within the last year), we navigated a storm of infidelity, mental illness, abuse, and irreconcilable differences . Mary and I were the first to make it through the maelstrom of relationship unhappiness, followed closely by Keli. Joe, recently divorced, is right behind. Looking back, I think our collective story is probably worthy of a novel. And one with a happy ending, too. With the addition of Charles, Mary’s fiancé, and Kathleen, my fiancé, the core of our friendship group has grown and stabilized.

Friday night, three of us (Mary, Joe, and myself) bumped into each other at our favorite Goth/Industrial club. Keli spent another Friday night working at the bookstore, of course. While we used to meet at the club every Friday, it’s been months since more than two of us have been out on a given night. In a strange convergence of events, the specters of our respective pasts also made an appearance. Joe’s ex-wife and her new boyfriend arrived early in the evening. Mary’s ex-boyfriend entered a few minutes later. Despite all the healing done, forgiveness granted, and time passed, there was still a palpable sense of discomfort in the air. Trying to add a little levity to the situation, I turned to Joe and Mary and said, “Well, if you-know-who [my former partner] made an appearance, I think we’d have one of our weirdest club nights ever.” Both laughed and nodded in agreement.

As one might expect, she did make an appearance of sorts. Late in the evening Mary approached me and said, “I just ran into a guy who’s still in touch with you-know-who. They email each other on a regular basis. Check this out . . . ” My ex-partner recently had a nervous breakdown, dropped out of her Ph.D. program (dissertation phase), and moved home to her parents’ to convalesce. While Kathleen expressed relief at knowing she’s hundreds of miles away, I felt relieved, angered, and saddened: relieved that I don’t have worry about running into her (she can be extremely volatile), angered by the fact she dropped out of school (I made a lot of sacrifices to help her get through her program), and saddened by her inability of find some peace of mind. Of the three, I think the third is the thing that bothers me most. No matter how much self-inflicted pain she experiences, she can’t admit she has psychological problems that need long-term treatment. I tried getting through to her, as did Mary, other friends, family members, and mental health professionals. She ignored each and every one us. Instead of accepting that her problems are of her own making, she’ll continue to blame everything on a world allied against her.

Sometime during the evening out, Joe made an astute observation regarding our group. He commented on how each of us had experienced a great deal of pain and how we’d each admitted our mistakes, learned from them, and made significant changes in our lives. He also commented that for having been through so much, we’re an exceedingly happy lot. Of all his remarks, however, one stands out. He said, “It’s taken us a long time to weed out all the riffraff. Finally, after five years, we’re all relatively happy and drama free. I think we should keep it this way for a while.” I couldn’t agree more.

Mixed Grill

Today's Specials:

Preventing Dissent*
Foucault Makes Me Hot**
Bogus Trendspotting
Spirituality and Daily Life
Dog Days of Summer

*Make sure you read the article by Krugman. The discussion thread has some great responses, too.

**I once asked my friend Amy, a student of Foucaultian philosophy, if she'd tutor me in Foucault's theories. Her response: "Of course. Foucault makes me hot."

True Character

I've just about had my fill of "Blackout" news. If I hear one more story about neighbors sitting on their front porch, basking in the light of candles and neighborly love, I think I'll vomit. When CNN, MSNBC, and Fox News resort to 24-hour-coverage of a blackout, you know it's a slow news week. I read an amusing quote while working out yesterday. Praising the reactions of those affected, President Bush stated:

The people of New York City and New York state and people of the Northeast and Midwest who were affected by last night's blackout kept their calm, were decent to their neighbors, really showed the rest of the country and the world the true character of the American people.

The true character of American people? Personally, I'd like to believe most human beings would step and help one another. I don't think the U.S. has the market cornered in that regard. Here's what the people of New York, Detroit, and Cleveland, and the surrounding areas should be asking.

*Why was it impossible to purchase anything?
*Why weren't retailers prepared to do business without a computer or cash register?
*Did anyone attempt to calculate discounts and sales tax using a battery powered calculator or ::gasp:: by using long-hand addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division?

What does it say about American character when the President applauds us for not flipping out in the dark? If you were afffected by the blackout, give yourself a pat on the back. You didn't loot the local convenience store and you didn't resort to hurting each other. Hooray! Think about this: for U.S. citizens, a blackout is a major inconvenience. For many people of our world, living without electricity, clean drinking water, and indoor plumbing is the normal state-of-affairs.

Mixed Grill

Several worthwhile reads:

Spam
Iraq: Civilian Death Toll
Dogs
One Hot Microbe
Mmmmmm Vanilla

Bon appetit!

Random Conversation

The following conversation occured at a local Saks 5th Avenue. The stranger is a late thirtysomething woman.

Stranger (approaches nervously): Excuse me, sir. This might seem like an odd question . . .

D: Okay.

Stranger: How do you get your hair to stand up like that?**

D: Uh, I use a product from the ICE line. It's kind of like hair glue. I use it in the morning and my hair stays up all day. You can get it at Ulta.

Strange: Thanks.

D: Sure. ::thinks to self:: What the fuck was that all about?

**Picture of my hair available on request. Shoot me an email.

New Music Monday

Yesterday, I received a package containing three CDs I special ordered. More and more, I'm finding myself drawn to music that's fairly obscure, at least to the Denver metro area CD merchants. Thank goodness for the internet. I received the following CDs:

The Skirts - Take Off
One Man Army - Rumors and Headlines
The Downbeat 5 - Ism

Today, I received notification from a local CD store that another special order had arrived.

The Epoxies - The Epoxies

You gotta love new music in your life.

19th Century Rebels

Introduced to the Transcendentalists some twenty years ago in Ms. Schulz's American Literature class, I remember feeling a sense of kinship. Something about their writings said, "We're like you. You're not alone." Whether it was their critique of Enlightenment thought, particularly the fanatical obedience to the masters of logic and the scientific method, or their rejection of 19th century Christian ideology, the works of Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau resonated with me. Looking back on my 15-year-old self, I suspect it had little to do with the reasons my 35-year-old self just identified. In 1983, I cared little about critiquing Enlightenment thought or religious ideology. Instead, I was drawn to Emerson's attitudes regarding Self-Reliance and Thoreau's beliefs regarding Civil Disobedience. Truthfully, I know didn't fully grasp what either author was trying to convey. What I did understand, however, was that the Transcendentalists were the intellectual and theological rebels of their time. They listened to the unique whisper of their inner voice rather than the hive-like drone of the masses. As Emerson wrote:

"What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder, because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude."

Today, I have a much better grasp of the "independence of solitude." Although one is likely to be branded a geek, nerd, dork, bookworm, rabble-rouser, or trouble-maker, there's a great degree of freedom that comes from following your own path. When I listen to my inner voice, and act accordingly, I know I'm doing what's right . . . for me.

The WTF Department

Child: Mommy, can I have a GI Joe for my birthday?

Mom: GI Joe? He's a wimp! He couldn't fight his way out of Grenada. Wouldn't you prefer the new George W. Bush: Elite Force Aviator? He's an army of one!

Child: Oh, boy!

George W. Bush: Elite Force Aviator

The Lovers' Knot

I presented the following blessing at Margie and Dan's wedding reception (July 25, 2003). As I presented the blessing extemporaneously, the text is not an exact transcript of my words. It's close, but not identical.

When I received Margie and Dan’s wedding invitation, my attention was drawn to the lovers’ knot gracing the top and bottom of the card. The lovers’ knot, a Celtic knot that looks like intertwined figure eights, symbolizes two together as one. When I researched the meaning of the lovers' knot, I discovered that different meanings are attributed to different knots. The trinity knot, for example, is thought to represent the Holy Trinity (Creator, Christ, and Holy Spirit). Spirals, on the other hand, symbolize personal spirit or the circle of life. I also discovered that there’s absolutely NO archaeological evidence to support the meanings we attribute to Celtic knot work. We don’t know what the ancient Celts were trying to communicate through their art. There’s a beauty in that, I think. Celtic knot work is ancient form of art that takes on new meaning in contemporary society.

Marriage is similar to knot work: marriage has different meanings for each us. Recalling Jesus’ first miracle, performed at a wedding in Cana, Christian marriage is a holy covenant of love, mutual respect, personal commitment, and shared fidelity. Taoism, a Chinese mystical philosophy, equates marriage with a spiritual union that sees perfect beauty, feels perfect happiness, and recognizes the perfect unity of all things. Practitioners of Goddess spirituality describe a life-partnership as a magickal union based on the principles of immanent value, openness, interconnectedness, individuality, and equality.

Regardless of the spiritual path you follow, whether you’re Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Taoist, Buddhist, Wiccan, Agnostic, or Atheist, your ideas, beliefs, and attitudes regarding marriage contribute to the meaning of Dan and Margie’s union. You’ve become part of their life-partnership, of their lovers’ knot. Tonight, I’m honored that Margie and Dan asked me to make my contribution to their lovers’ knot by way of a formal blessing.

May the blessings of Earth be with you. May mountains of health, prosperity, and family always keep you stable.

May the blessings of Air be with you. May the winds of communication, knowledge, and mindfulness always keep you aloft.

May the blessings of Fire be with you. May the flames of passion, creativity, and devotion always keep you warm.

May the blessings of Water be with you. May the currents of compassion, respect, and kindness always keep you afloat.

May the blessings of Spirit be with you. May the presence of magick, love, and the divine always keep you centered.

Random Conversation

Derek: What's up with Java*?

Kathleen: He's being a freak!

Derek: A freak of nature?

Kathleen: Like me.

*Java is our cantankerous black cat.

Heroes for Hire

After last week's post regarding worst comic book costumes, and the subsequent comments regarding Power Man and Iron Fist, I decided to do a little Heroes for Hire research. Ultimately, I wound up buying most of Heroes for Hire v. 2 on ebay. Derek's #1 rule of Ebay comic book buying: Never pay more than a $1 per comic.

With issues 1-16 on their way, I'll need to find issues 17-19 to complete the set.

Long Live Lonetree!

During my AD&D years, I played a number of characters: a dwarven fighter, a half-elven cavalier, a human monk, a magic-user (briefly), and a druid. Lonetree the Druid, a neutral good, half-elven druid, was by far my longest running, and favorite, AD&D character. Over the course of several years, Lonetree advanced through his order and assumed the title of Great Druid (that's the day he retired). Going through my regular blog-reading routine, I stumbled across an AD&D character test (Thanks Tiffany. My results: Lawful Good Half Elf Ranger Druid. Imagine that.

I Am A: Lawful Good Half-Elf Ranger Druid


Alignment:
Lawful Good characters are the epitome of all that is just and good. They believe in order and governments that work for the benefit of all, and generally do not mind doing direct work to further their beliefs.


Race:
Half-Elves are a cross between a human and an elf. They are smaller, like their elven ancestors, but have a much shorter lifespan. They are sometimes looked down upon as half-breeds, but this is rare. They have both the curious drive of humans and the patience of elves.


Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.


Secondary Class:
Druids are a special variety of Cleric who serves the Earth, and can call upon the power in the earth to accomplish their goals. They tend to be somewhat fanatical about defending natural settings.


Deity:
Mielikki is the Neutral Good goddess of the forest and autumn. She is also known as the Lady of the Forest, and is the Patron of Rangers. Her followers are devoted to nature, and believe in the positive and outreaching elements of it. They use light armor, and a variety of weapons suitable for hunting, which they are quite skilled at. Mielikki's symbol is a unicorn head.


Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

Random Conversation

Derek: You're a freak of nature.

Kathleen: That's right.

200 Greatest Popular Culture Icons

A couple days ago, Mike emailed and asked my opinion about VH1's Greatest Pop Culture Icons list. Here's what I think.

I'm assuming the 200 are ordered by status as a pop culture icon. According to VH1, each icon must pass one or more of the following criteria:

Do they pass the one-name test?
Can you dress up as them for Halloween?
Did they blaze a trail in pop culture?
Did they create a signature character in pop culture?
Can you quote them, or their character, in 10 seconds or less?
Did society imitate their sense of fashion? Hairstyle?
Did “SNL” create a sketch satirizing them?
Did someone write a song about them?
Was or is there merchandising or paraphernalia that bears their image?
Can they be connected to Kevin Bacon?

With that in mind, I have a few thoughts.

My first observation is that the list is overloaded with recent pop culture icons. Can we really say that the likes of Justin Timberlake, James Gandolfini (as Tony Soprano), Helle Barry, Reese Witherspoon, Ben Affleck (::gags::), Martha Stewart, The Osbournes (as amusing as I find their show), Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Eminem (how do they justify ranking him higher than Johnny Carson?!) have achieved the status of icons? That being said, the producers of the show are not stupid. I'm sure they sprinkled recent stars throughout the list in order to keep the attention of younger viewers. Am I supposed to believe that Tom Cruise is a greater icon than The Beatles? Please.

A few names on the last that I find absolutely baffling:

The Rock--Where's Hulk Hogan?
Cartman--Give me a break. Cartman's character is definitely rude and obnoxious. Is that one of the criteria?
Macaulay Culkin--WTF?! I think I'd put him up there with Leif Garrett.
Dr. Phil--the guy has been around for five years or so. How can he be one of the top 200 icons of all time?!
Venus/Serena Williams--Great tennis players but most people won't know who they are.
P. Diddy--another person most U.S. Americans won't recognize.
Pamela Anderson--Aarrrgghhhhh!
Friend's Cast @ 11--you have to be kidding.

Here are a few that I think should be included (apologies if I missed them on the list):

James Bond
Charlie Chaplin
Jack Benny
Errol Flynn
Bettie Paige
Richard Nixon
Larry Bird
Little Richard
The Carpenters
David Letterman
Ed Sullivan
The Sesame Street gang (particularly Big Bird, Cookie Monster, Oscar, Bert & Ernie)
Jim Henson
Captain Kangaroo

I'm sure there are others but these are the first to sping to mind. Here's a challenge: name 10 women who should have been included on the list.

Random Conversation

Derek: You know me, I don't mind being the center of attention. I kind of like it.

Kathleen: You're always the center of my attention.

Derek: Bonus points for that comment.

Kathleen: I thought so.

Worst Costumes

Gene sent me a link to the following site. What were these artists thinking?

Worst Superhero Costumes

The fact that I'm familiar with each of the characters listed is even scarier than the costumes themselves. Yes, I still read comic books.

Derek's Current Comic Book Favorites
1. Green Lantern
2. Iron Man
3. Avengers
4. Justice Society of America
5. Star Wars: Republic
6. Justice League of America
7. JSA: All Stars (limited series)
8. Outsiders
9. Star Wars: Empire
10. The Power Company