I had a friend, who also happens to be a parent, send me the following via email. Twisted, but good. I've actually mumbled #s 9 & 25 under my breath.*
Little Golden Children's Books That Never Made It
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
6. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
7. All Cats Go to Hell
8. Some Kittens Can Fly
9. That's It, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
10. Grandpa Gets a Casket
11. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
12. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
13. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
14. Strangers Have the Best Candy
15. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
16. You Were an Accident
17. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
18. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
19. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
20. Your Nightmares Are Real
21. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
22. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
23. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
24. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
25. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
*Okay, I mumbled a modified version of #25: "Kid, your crying is going to drive me to drink. That's bad. Very bad. Trust me on this."
2 comments:
Hmmm, I think I'm going to start writing some of those books.
In my copious free time.
Okay.....Pop! Goes the Hamster was far funnier than it should have been.
My kids would probably enjoy a good number of these books, like Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence and Some Kittens Can Fly. Granted, they've been raised on Squids Will Be Squids and the Stinky Cheese Man, so their dry wits have been well-shaped since infancy.
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