I received a jury summons for U.S. District Court today . . . in Denver. Apparently, nobody in the District Court system is aware that my official residence changed eight months ago. Honest. I updated my address with the local DMV, the IRS, and everything. Thinking I should try and avoid the potential arrest warrant that comes from bailing out of jury duty, I made a quick call to the Clerk of the Denver U.S. District Court. The conversation went something like this.
Clerk: US District Court. May I help you.
Me: Yes. I received a jury summons for the Denver District Court. Unfortunately, I no longer live in the Denver area. I now live in the Midwest. Is there a way I can be excused from serving in Denver?
Clerk: You'll need to fill out the potential juror form and send it back. Indicate your new address and a request to be excused on the back.
Me: Uh, can't I just give you that information. My address officially changed eight months ago. I updated everything with the local DMV months ago.
Clerk: No. You need to fill out the potential juror form and mail it back.
Me: Uh, I'm not really a potential juror. I live 900 miles away.
Clerk: You still need to return the form. That's how we handle requests to be excused. Fill out the form and use the postage paid envelope.
Me: Okay. I guess I'll fill out the form.
Clerk: Thanks for calling.
Me: Sure
So, I spent 10 minutes filling out the silly bubble sheet form with my trusty No. 2 pencil. Mind you, this is a form that WILL NOT BE USED by lawyers when forming a jury pool BECAUSE I'M 900 MILES AWAY.
This goofy experience has shed a ton of insight into why our nation can't find such elusives as Osama bin Laden. If the U.S. District Court can't keep tabs on someone who voluntarily updates his legal residence information, then how on earth can we expect the federal government to track down someone who tries to evade detection?* Sheesh.
*I bet that last paragraph triggered some government internet tracking program.
Osama + evade detection = trigger. Count on it.
4 comments:
No one wants to be on a jury. They make you fill out the form because it is a legal document. Otherwise, everyone would be moving. They probably wouldn't do anything to you in any event, even if you just didn't show up. They would keep it in "your file" until you do something perfectly legal, but unwelcome.
I wouldn't worry about the AT&T NSA feed.
Osama + evade detection = trigger, but
URL like "%.blogspot.com" = ignore
AH
I always knew you were a terrorist ;P
doesnt surprise me one bit :)
Derek! I have a Gene Sighting! I got him on ICQ now *dies of shock*
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