Reality Bites

The trip home was long, but uneventful, and we finally collapsed in an exhausted heap around 4 AM Sunday. After a few hours sleep, it was back to reality for me. School, school, and more school. Three days later and I'm almost caught up. I should know better than to take a vacation during Spring Break. Despite the stress of falling behind, I'm glad we made the trip as I really needed a city fix. Most of the time, we're okay living in a small community. Once in a while, however, we long for the hustle and bustle.

Unfortunately, school isn't the only source of stress in our lives. Since returning, we've had to face a few situations we wish we could avoid. M called last night and asked if I'd be able to attend the wedding at the end of the month. With a great deal of regret, I informed him that we just can't afford the trip. Skipping the celebration is killing me, actually. M and I have been friends for over 25 years; we've seen one another through extreme highs and dreadful lows. I would love nothing more than to be in SLC come April 21, but that just won't happen. Dammit.

Which brings me to the ugliest of the various reality checks: the condo. After a year on the market and thousands of mortgage dollars paid, the condo still hasn't sold. We've totally gutted one of our retirement accounts and have no additional $$$ from which to draw. The "F" word, and not the profane term that seems to upset the older generation, has been flowing freely in our home. That's right--foreclosure. If the condo doesn't sell by June 30, we'll have to let it go. STK and I aren't used to being in this situation as we both have perfect credit. We really don't have that much debt and while things are tight from time to time, paying the bills isn't a problem. Paying for two living spaces, one we occupy and one we don't, isn't feasible. We've considered everything possible to keep the place up-to-date until it sells which, given the poor state of the market, could be a good long time. We've considered walking away from my position and moving back: STK could land a job fairly easily. Unfortunately, college teaching positions aren't easy to come by--that's why we moved in the 1st place. We've thought about STK & TLO moving back, STK taking a teaching position, and me staying at my present position.* We'd commute back and forth on weekends once a month, maybe twice. We'd be able to spend all the various breaks together, too. That's one of the benefits of two teachers hookin' up. That arrangement would no doubt save the condo but I'd miss watching my son grow up and STK and I would have to learn how to negotiate a long-distance relationship. Ick. Losing the place isn't the end of the world. A condo is a material possession and in the long run those don't count for much. I think it's a matter of our pride more than anything else. When we make a commitment, we both like to fulfill our obligations.

When we accepted the position and made the move last summer, we thought we were doing the right thing for our family. A slower way of life, a safer place for our child, and a lower cost of living all seemed incredibly attractive. The only drawback we saw, and we did see this possibility, was the sale of our place. We convinced ourselves, however, that the place would sell. This was the perfect position for me. The stars aligned! Of course the condo would sell. Ooops. Today, I question whether we made the right decision. Yes, I love my job. In fact, I think it's safe to say there isn't another job out there that's more perfect. The students and administration seem to feel the same way about me, too. Yes, TLO is being raised in a way that wouldn't have been possible last year. He spends about six hours a month in the care of someone other than STK or myself. From almost every angle (lack of Kaladi Coffee and good bagels is another serious shortfall of our present location), this has been a good move. Financially, it's been a freakin' disaster. It will literally take us a decade or more to recoup the retirement $$$ through which we've burned. The only thing that keeps from totally losing my shit over all of this is that I know things could be much, much worse. Food could be difficult to come by, someone could be ill, etc. I keep repeating over and over: it's just a condo, it's just a condo, it's just a condo.

Can I take another vacation? For a week we were able to get away, play with friends and family, drink good coffee, eat terrific bagels, and relax. A few days later and reality returns. Reality is overrated.

*Family and friends in the area would help with TLO, no doubt. If he stayed with me, we'd be dealing with daycare 5 days a week. Another expense. Great.