You Can Feast If You Want To

Friday's Feast. Mmmmmm.

Appetizer--What job would you definitely not want to have?
Any job involving septic tanks comes to mind. Running a close second is anything in banking. Been there, done that, it sucked.

Soup--Oprah calls and wants you to appear on her show. What would that day's show be about?
Something about recovery, probably. I'd share my story than use my Triple Black Belt in Recovery to tell people to get a clue.

Whiney Alcoholic: I just can't quit drinking. It's not my fault. My father was an alcoholic.
Me: Not your fault? Did someone pin you down and pour booze down your throat?
Whiney: No!
Me: Then it is your fault. Quit blaming genetics, the pain in your life, and the actions of others for your problem. If you really didn't want to drink, you wouldn't. There are tons of programs out there to help you. Do you really want to quit?
Whiney: I don't know.
Me: Then quit wasting my time. I can't make you get sober. When you're really ready to quit, we'll talk. Go have another drink and let me know how that works out for you. Oh, and thanks.
Whiney: For what?
Me: For reminding me what it was like before I quit drinking. I was exactly like you. I never want to go back there. Yuck.

Salad--Name 3 vegetables that you eat on a regular basis.
Green peppers, carrots (I eat approximately 3 pounds a week), celery.

Main Course--If you were commissioned to rename your hometown, what would you call it?
Whogivesashitville. I haven't been back in years and probably won't visit for quite some time. There's really nothing there that interests me.

Dessert--If you had a personal assistant, what kind of tasks would you have them to do?
What I need more than a personal assistance is a house cleaner. I'd love someone to come in once a week and give the place a good dusting, vacuuming, toilet scrubbing, etc. I seem to be able to handle the rest quite well. Actually, I don't really trust anyone to take care of anything involving work. I'm kind of a control freak when it comes to school.