Rude Awakenings

MONDAY
Derek slumbers peacefully. Kathleen, who is getting ready to leave for work, races into the bedroom.

Kathleen (shouting): Derek! I need your help!
Derek (awakens immediately and shoots straight up in bed): What is it?!
Kathleen (frantic): The dogs are missing!
Derek: What the fuck do you mean the dogs are missing!
Kathleen (frantic): I took the poop to the dumpster and they were waiting on the sidewalk, like they always do. When I turned around, they were gone!
Derek (tosses sheets back and dives out of bed): Holy shit! We have to find them!
Kathleen (still frantic): I know! I know!
Derek (putting shirt on backwards, pulling on pants, oblivious to serious case of bedhead): Fuck.

Derek and Kathleen race downstairs and begin their frantic search. Within less than a minute, they find both dogs.

WEDNESDAY
7:30 AM. Kathleen is heading out the door and Derek is sleeping. The phone rings, disturbing Derek's sleep (he finally got to sleep at 3 AM*)

Derek (groans): Who the fuck is calling this early?!
(phone continues ringing--Kathleen can't reach the phone in time)

Derek (awake and angry). Jesus! Who calls at 7:30 in the morning?! (gets out of bed, storms to phone, and checks caller ID) I think it was your sister! Looks like her cell number. Grrrrrr. How many times do we have to ask her NOT to call before 9 AM. Just because she gets up at 6 AM, doesn't mean everyone else does. (checks message)

Laura (via voice mail): Kath, it's your sister. Give me a call tonight, okay? But don't call during American Idol. You know how I hate to have my television interrupted. Bye.

Derek (fuming): It WAS your sister. You're supposed to call her tonight. But not during American Idol. She doesn't want her TV disturbed. Are you fucking kidding me? She can't respect our 9 AM rule and we're not supposed to call during her fucking show?! When the fuck is that fucking show on? I'm fucking calling throughout the show. God damnit!

*I've been dealing with some wicked insomnia. Stress + back pain = little sleep.