We'd Like to Announce a Trade

One of the hazards of frequenting NBA message boards (I check a couple Denver Nuggets boards a dozen or so times a day) is the dreaded "Trade" thread. At least once a week, someone offers a freakin ridiculously one-sided trade scenario. I found this little gem posted to a board on which these silly trades scenarios are an all-too-frequent occurrence. Too damn funny.

Yao Ming, Stromile Swift and Derek Anderson Traded to Kings for Brad Miller, Mike Bibby and Shareef Abdur-Rahim.

By JONATHAN FEIGEN
Copyright 2005 Houston Chronicle

HOUSTON - The Rockets' are the first team this season to make a major trade. Struggling and desperate from an early losing streak, the Rockets have traded one of their supposed franchise players and two of their recent off-season acquisitions.

"Jeff and I were talking and did not like the direction this team was heading in. We aren't playing hard and I am willing to give up our players if they do not play hard enough," Rockets General Manager Carroll Dawson Said

"Despite injuries from several of our top players, we decided that these three players were responsible for their losses. I initially did not want to trade Yao due to his steady development and relatively increased aggression this year, but after this string of losses, I thought this would be the best way to punish him." Rockets coach Jeff Van Gundy said.

"Most of all, I am really looking forward to having Mike Bibby, Rafer Alston, Bob Sura, Moochie Norris, Luther Head, Dion Glover and David Wesley sharing responsibilities at the point."

Van Gundy said that he had never considered the possibility of trading Yao until he got the idea from a Rockets online forum.

"I brought the idea to Carroll and Les and they agreed that Yao really sucks right now. One of these basketball gurus online seemed to really know his stuff and we decided, what the hell, let's listen to this apparent brilliant person instead. Yao Mink has not been playing well, and we knew that the trade value for Yao Mink was still enough for us to get an equally talented player like Brad Miller."

Les Alexander agreed, "We always thought that by drafting a player like Yao, we would get a lot of money since there are like a billion people in China and they would all buy his jersey. When Jeff showed us this post online, I re-thought things and realized that there are a bunch of white people in the United States and they have more money! I am sure all the white people in the US will be buying Brad Miller jerseys which should increase profits and recognition of our team. Additionally, Shareef will bring in the whole Muslim population and we know there are a lot of those too. It's like trading the profit of one race for two! I thought we got a damn good deal."

When Tracy McGrady was asked about his response to the trade, he responded, "My back hurts."

Forward Stromile Swift was also positive about the trade, "Houston is great but I always wanted to live in a city with more celebs. Overall, I'm pretty excited about moving to Los Angeles and playing for the Kings."

Being Dick

Wilkerson said that Cheney must have sincerely believed that Iraq could be a spawning ground for new terror assaults, because "otherwise I have to declare him a moron, an idiot or a nefarious bastard."

I'm going to go out on a limb here and select C) all of the above. Seriously, is there anyone who doesn't recognize Cheney as a moron, idiot, and nefarious bastard?

Houston We Have a Problem

It'll soon be December, finances are sure to be tighter than usual with holiday gifting, and my monitor decides to get all wonky. It's not unbearable, yet, but there's a noticeable flicker at the bottom of the screen. So, I've been online monitor shopping. I can't really afford to do anything too extravagant, but I would like to upgrade to an LCD (unless someone convinces me otherwise). The cost of shipping a CRT monitor to our remote location becomes a prohibitive factor. Even with a cheaper monitor, the shipping pushes a 19" screen into the $200 range. Here are some of the monitors I'm considering.

Acer
ViewSonic
NU

Any thoughts? This is the first time I've ventured into LCD territory on my own. I have a 15" LCD at school and love it. Anyone have any luck with online auctions for this kind of thing?

Leftovers

Everyone sick of leftovers from the holiday feast? Having various combinations of the same foods for three days, I'm ready for a little variety. Another day or two and the leftovers should be largely consumed. I'm very thankful for that.

This Thanksgiving holiday was the best in recent memory; in fact, this holiday ranks right up there on the Best Thanksgivings Ever list. No fighting traffic, rushing around to arrive at the family dinner on time, and no asking "is there meat in this?"

As I had the day off and STK worked until noon, our holiday events started Wednesday afternoon with our monthly journey to Larger Midwest City. Having lived here for four months, we've discovered we prefer Larger Midwest City Northeast to Larger Midwest City North. The drive is shorter, more picturesque, and LMCNE has everything we need: Target, Petsmart, Home Depot, and ToysRUs. The Honda dealership also makes LMCNE a bigger draw. We bundled up TLO, hopped in the trusty Element, and embarked on our monthly shopping spree. Diapers, organic baby formula, an oil-filled radiator,* and pet food were procured without difficulty. Arriving home, we fired up the oven and started to work on holiday fare, namely the pumpkin pie, vegetarian cornbread stuffing, and seven layer salad.

We slept late Thursday morning. About 10 AM we received a call from the inbound T & J--only an hour or so away, they recommended we prepare for their imminent arrival.** T & J, the husband and wife couple with whom we're closest, moved to Alabama a month or so back. As none of us are all that keen on the typical craziness of family holidays, we decided to spend Thanksgiving together. We absolutely adore T & J. They're progressive (they won't vote Democrat either), compassionate, funny, and geeky. Yes, they're a lot like us. They arrived and we dove into the kitchen to finish our vegetarian Thanksgiving feast. When all was said and done, the menu consisted of:

Sweet potato saute
Seven layer salad
Cornbread biscuit stuffing
Green bean casserole
Canned cranberry slop***
Celebration roast.
Apple cinnamon bake
Pumpkin pie
Vanilla ice cream
Cool Whip

We followed dinner with coffee and conversation; a delightful time was had by all.

*With winter quickly approaching, we've been winterizing the abode and exploring some way to spot heat the rooms in which we spend most of our time. As we spend the majority of our evenings in the living room, we decided to go with an oil-filled radiator. The electric radiator heats the contained oil so that even when the heating element isn't active, the warmed oil continues to produce heat.

**This is the same T & J from the Boston trip.

***J loves the canned cranberry stuff.

Community

I've been a regular poster on a Denver Nuggets message board for over a decade. The thing that's so interesting about this particular board is that most of the people there have also been posting for nearly a decade. Over the years, two particular posters have expressed a mild dislike for one another. While the dislike rarely boils over into full-fledged confrontation, the two take every pot shot available. Case in point. Poster #1, who lives out of town, mentions he'll be in Denver over the holiday and that he'll be catching an upcoming game with his fiance. Poster #2 responds:

I'll be there, Poster #1. I'm assuming you'll be the guy wearing a F&*k Melo t-shirt and a Klan hoodie, so I'll make sure to stop by and say hello. Let me know if you're gonna break out the powder blue and gold hoodie instead of the traditional white so I'm not thrown off.

Heheheheh. How can you not love internet smack?

The Boys Are Back in Town

The recent Rhetorical Imprints hiatus was the result of road trip to the NCA convention in Boston! Last Tuesday evening, as soon as I finished teaching, STK, TLO, and I packed up the family truckster and headed for the airport. Actually, we drove 4 hours through a snow storm, stayed at a hotel, and rode a shuttle to the airport the following morning. Staying in a hotel was preferable to getting up at 3 or 4 AM to make our 10:30 flight.

The trip itself was long, but without incident. We switched planes once, hopped a shuttle from the airport to the train station, rode a train to our destination city, then hailed a cab for the final jaunt to the Inn. Planes, trains, and automobiles, anyone? Given that TLO is only 5 months old, he did amazingly well. He had a brief, 5 minute cry while we waited to have the plane de-iced (an important process, methinks). Everyone we encountered commented on his superior travelling skills.

Once in Boston, T acted as our guide. She helped us learn the area close to the Inn and showed us how to ride the "T" to the convention area. Several years ago, as convention prices skyrocked, I started to avoid the sanctioned convention hotels. $200 a night is far beyond what I'm willing to pay for a place to flop. Thankfully, T & J hooked us up with a WAY cool inn on this trip. Yes, we were two miles away from the convention proper. For a $1.25 token, however, we were able to make the trip to the convention site in about 10 minutes or so.

The convention itself was fun, but hectic. When around 5000 people converge for an academic gathering, it's bound to get a little hectic. On Thursday, STK, TLO, T, and I spent the better part of the afternoon perusing the Publisher room. Textbooks, textbooks, and more textbooks! This is the 1st time I've really spent a significant amount of time going from publisher to publisher in search of new textbooks. As I have two new courses to teach next year, I really needed to see what was available. The two hours were well spent, I think. I walked away with three exam copies of textbooks and ordered three others. That's one of the major perks of being a professor I suppose; hand a publisher a business card from your school and they'll send you almost anything, free of charge. T, who will defend her dissertation in February and spent most of the convention interviewing with schools, quite literally cursed my ability to procure free reading material. At one point, we made a bet regarding my ability to pry a text away from a vendor (T had paid the vendor for a new text a few minutes before). I approached the vendor, made a few minutes small talk, noticed a book I could use for a class in January 2007, and walked away with a free copy. T offered enthusiastic praise for my abilities. I believe her exact words were, "Fucking asshole."

The rest of the convention blurred by in typical fashion: meet former colleagues, chat for a few minutes, speed off to lunch with other colleagues, catch a panel, present on a panel, race off to dinner with colleagues, try to see some of the local city, crash for a few hours at night. Repeat. Despite the craziness, this was one of the most enjoyable conventions I can remember. Much of that resulted from the presence of TLO and STK, no doubt. Even when they were off touring art museums with J--T & I were doing the convention thing--it was nice to know they were within a few miles.

On Saturday, we stayed away from the convention center and spent a couple hours seeing the historical sites. I finally managed to spend a few minutes with Samuel Adams, rabblerouser extraordinaire. Meeting the person on whom my MA thesis focused was a moving experience. I'll admit I even got a little choked up standing next to his resting place. From the cemetary we followed the Freedom Walk for a couple miles and checked out some of the significant locales of Boston history. While I would have liked to walk the entire trail, we simply didn't have enough time.

After repeating the taxi-train-shuttle-plane-plane-shuttle-auto routine, we arrived home Sunday evening. TLO travelled like a champ, once again. On the ride home STK and I talked about whether or not we miss city life. We decided that we did, but that we enjoy living in our present location even more. The city, with all its hussle, bussle, and never-ending activities possesses a certain allure; we always loved the clubs, the shows, the theater, the shopping, etc. That said, our current way of life is virtually stress free. Someday, when we're in the twilight of our years, I can see us returning to city life. Until then, it's the simple life.

Waterfowl

Live in the world like a waterfowl. The water clings to the bird, but the bird shakes it off. Live in the world like a mudfish. The fish lives in the mud, but its skin is always bright and shiny.

-Ramakrishna

From "Teachings of the Hindu Mystics," © 2001 by Andrew Harvey.

Who Voted God Out?

And don't wonder why He hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for His help because he might not be there

Actually, Pat, people voted God out of the science curriculum of the public schools. Does anyone take Pat Robertson seriously? I mean really, this guy is still bent about all those failed Presidential election bids. I may not be the world's greatest theologian (in fact, I'm probably not even the greatest theologian on my block--an ordained minister with a Ph.D. in Religious Studies lives a couple houses down the street), but I'm thinking God doesn't have the time or energy to pay attention to school board elections.

Someone needs to give that crochety old crank a hug.

Really?

You are a Theory Slut. The true elite of the
postmodernists, you collect avant-garde
Indonesian hiphop compilations and eat journal
articles for breakfast. You positively live
for theory. It really doesn't matter what
kind, as long as the words are big and the
paragraph breaks few and far between.


What kind of postmodernist are you!?
brought to you by Quizilla

Bring on the Words

One week before my national convention and I'm still writing my paper. When will I ever learn? Considering I didn't really start writing until yesterday, the paper is actually coming along nicely. I hammered out the theory part of the essay in a six hour writing marathon. The introduction/problem is on the docket for tomorrow night and the analysis is scheduled for the weekend. I'm not really sure, but I think I might have a really interesting foundation for journal article emerging. Anyway, here's a snippet from the theory section.

-----
Hyde’s latest essay, "Acknowledgment, Conscience, Rhetoric, and Teaching: The Case of Tuesdays With Morrie," takes the ethics of communal living one step beyond the fitting response to the phenomenological and metaphysical realm of acknowledgment. Phenomenologically, Hyde (2005) describes acknowledgment as interacting with others in a way that "establishes an environment where people can take the time to know together some topic of interest and, in the process, perhaps gain a more authentic understanding of, and feel more at home with, those who are willing to contribute to its development" (p. 26). For Hyde, then, acknowledgment is more than making note of another’s presence in day to day interactions; to truly acknowledge someone is to offer a more intimate interaction, to show genuine concern for both their person and their well-being. Metaphysically, and this is where I believe Hyde offers tacit consent to a conception of rhetoric that emphasizes Becoming and accomplishing over Being, acknowledgment is a "life-giving gift" of existence granted to another (p. 23). To acknowledge another is to grant them social life, to affirm their value both as an individual and as a member of the community, and to bear witness to their meaningfulness. Opening ourselves, through the moral act of acknowledgment, to the inherent value of another’s radical difference offers the possibility for transformation; the unknowable difference of the other invokes a multitude of possibilities. Forging a significant connection with the other, and coming to the realization that we can never really know all the mysteries of the other, we catch a glimpse of infinite potentialities and embrace the almost incomprehensible tasks of meaning making, identity negotiation, and responsible communal living. As Hyde (2005) asserts, "we assume the ethical responsibility of affirming our freedom of choice and thereby become personally involved in the creation of a meaningful existence" (p. 27). Through our choice-making and creative accomplishing in the moment of human interaction, we engage in the rhetoric of Becoming.

Holy Turn-Back-The-Clock Batman!

At the risk of re-igniting the same heated nationwide debate it sparked six years ago, the Kansas Board of Education approved new public school science standards Tuesday that cast doubt on the theory of evolution.

You know, I'm getting extremely tired of religious wingnuts trying to shove their ideology down the collective throats of our society. Call it Intelligent Design, call it Creationism, call it Shirley, call it whatever the frack you please, you CANNOT TEACH RELIGIOUS PRINCIPLES IN A PUBLIC CLASSROOM. Seriously, how dense can these people be? We'll see this decision taken to court and, if necessary, all the way to the Supreme Court of the United States. And you know what will happen? The same thing that always happens: the religious zealots who thought they could pull one over with a little discursive sleight-of-hand will have their respective hands slapped and we'll go back to teaching science in the public schools and Creationism, er, Intelligent Design in the Sunday schools.

What a waste of time and taxpayer dollars.

The Coin of the Realm

Classic line from a recent flame war:

"Good grief, can no one shut Anthony up? If ignorance was the coin of the realm, he'd be wealthier than Bill Gates."

ROFL

The Fantastic Feast

Feast 68, Friday, November 04, 2005

Appetizer--What was the last game you purchased?
Star Wars: Battlefront.

Soup--Name something in which you don't believe.
Alien abduction.

Salad--If you could choose a television personality to be your boss, who would you pick?
Rupert Giles. I'm thinking a Watcher in training might be a pretty cool gig.

Main Course--What was a lesson you had to learn the hard way?
Just one? Well, not drinking is a lesson I had to learn again, and again, and again, again . . .

Dessert--Describe your idea of the perfect relaxation room.
Meditation bench & pillows. Incense. A nice bubbling fountain. A reading chair in a corner would be nice, too.

Kong!

Behold the Eighth Wonder of the World!

Kong is King.

The original King Kong is one of my favorite films. I can't wait to see Jackson's take on the story. Next to Revenge of the Sith, this is the film for which I've been waiting.

Same As It Ever Was

The Nuggets begin their season the way last season ended--by losing to the Spurs. Oh, and it looks like Nene might have a serious ligament injury. Didn't the Nuggs go through this 1st game injury thing with Voshon last year? Ick.

Have I mentioned how much I despise Nick Van Exel?

Or that Pluto might have three moons?

Not much else going on in these parts. Life is calm and that's a good thing.

Duh

In the latest poll, 55 percent of the respondents said that they would vote for the Democratic candidate if Bush were again running for the presidency this year.

What a difference a botched war, bungled hurricane response, and lame-ass Supreme Court Justice nomination makes. Good thing I'm not one to say, "I told you so." Oh, who am I kidding . . .

I told you so.

Satan Rocks!

If you haven't had your head in the sand (that's where it would have to be in order to avoid hearing about this), you know that a 16-year-old young adult was arrested for murdering Pamela Vitale. Now, I'll admit to knowing nothing about the actual murder. I usually don't pay attention to these murder cases that garner national attention. They're typically over-reported, under researched, and overexaggerated to the Nth degree. What caught my eye this morning, however, is the allegation that the
arrested youth is a Satanist.

Suspect Into Satan

When the "Satan" link hit the news a couple days back, you could predict what would come next. Some "expert" on the occult, cults, and all things dark, dank, and scary, would sound the alarm regarding a network of Satanic cults threatening our children. Guess what I found in the news this morning?

Satanic Crime and Murder

Several years ago, one of STK's family members lost a pet to a supposed gang of Satanic youth who listened to death metal. This horrifying gang reportedly terrorized several suburbs of the Denver Metro area trapping local pets, mutilating their bodies, and leaving them to die in their respective yards. When I first heard the story I thought it sounded a little fishy. If the authorities had information on a group of Satanic youth who sacrificed pets--they even told STK's relative what kind of music the Satanists listened to--why couldn't they catch them? I mean, how difficult would it be to watch these kids, discern their activities, and cuff 'em? Several months after the Satanic Cult Infiltrates Denver Suburbs hubbub, and dozens of pet sacrifices later, one of the police units decided to call in an expert: a wildlife biologist. Lo and behold, the biologist reported that the wounds on the pets were similar to wounds produced by various predators, namely coyotes, foxes, and owls. Oddly enough, coyotes, foxes, and owls all call the Denver Metro area suburbs home.

Okay, so this most recent murder obviously isn't the work of natural predators. That's well established. My objection is to the sensationalist "Satanic Networks are Invading our Country" crap. There are a handful of supposed Occult/Satanism/Satanic Cult specialists who always surface after these incidents. These folks have been making the rounds on Geraldo, 20/20, and even Oprah since the mid 1980s. Their message is always the same: your kids are in trouble. If they wear dark clothes, play D&D, or listen to alternative music, they're being seduced by a Satanic Cult.

Let me put this as plainly and as bluntly as I can: THERE ARE NO SATANIC CULTS SEDUCING OUR CHILDREN. None. Zip. Zero. Nada. Despite all the sensational headlines, not a single documented case of Satanic Cults exist. Not a single "Ritual Abuse" case has been prosecuted in the U.S. Every time this crap surfaces, it turns out that the perpetrator of the heinous crime was working alone or with a handful of people. I have no doubt there are some twisted folks out there who think they're doing the work of Satan (don't even get me started on that belief). It takes
all kinds, you know? What I can't stand, however, are these folks who make a living crying wolf. Or Satan, as the case may be.

If you want to take a look at some excellent research regarding the non-existent Satanic cults in the U.S., take a glance at the following books.

Satanic Panic: The Creation of a Contemporary Legend

Raising the Devil

Satanic cults in the U.S. Sheesh. The next thing you know, the media will be portraying this disturbed youth as a goth or something.

Peace

To the heavens be peace, to the sky and the earth,
to the waters be peace, to plants and all trees,
to the Gods be peace, to Brahman be peace,
to all persons be peace, again and again
--peace be also to me!

-Atharva Veda

The Fantabulous Feast

Appetizer--Do you button shirts top-to-bottom or bottom-to-top?
Bottom to top. Starting at the bottom keeps me from misbuttoning my shirt.

Soup--What is your favorite sandwich?
If we're talking your daily, run of the mill sandwhich, I'd have to go with peanut butter and honey.

Salad--What was a family project you helped work on as a child?
I helped remodel or build three different homes.

Main Course--When have you acted phony?
On a job interview, I suppose. Rather than acting phony, I'd like think I'm choosing to keep some of my quirky behaviors in reserve.

Dessert--Do you write letters or postcards? If so, to whom
Other than email, about the only letter writing I do comes in the form of "thank you" notes.

Potpourri

The 'rents were in town for the extended weekend.* I wish I could say it was a wonderful visit, but it wasn't. My father and I crossed sabers for the one billionth time. Dear old Dad reminded me, as he has from childhood, that I'll never measure up to his standard of success. I reminded him, as I have since my late teens, that I have no desire to follow in his footsteps if it means I'll be a miserable person, like he is, at 63. My mom cried a lot and STK showed a considerable amount of restraint in not entering the fray. Oh, and my dad let us know that the 60+ percent of us who think the President is doing a poor job are dead wrong. The President is doing a wonderful job and if we'd all just step into line, we'd finally be able to stop the flow of terrorists streaming out of Iraq. Yes, his primary source of information is Fox News. ::pounds head on desk:: It's hard to believe we share genetic material. Suffice it to say that the visit reinforced my belief that my father and I have nothing in common and are best served by maintaining a good deal of distance.

On a more positive note, I'm obsessed with the "Destroy Everything You Touch" video by Ladytron. Love the imagery, love the music, and find myself falling in love with the band. Which is odd, really. I usually don't go for the darkwave/electronica stuff. Anyway, it's already on the payday wish list. As is Depeche Modes' Playing the Angel. Their first video off the album, Precious, is also damn cool. More darkwave/electronica? We all have our guilty pleasures, I suppose.

As we're at midterm, school is kind of crazy. Mind you, the present level of crazy is nothing compared to the days of 230 students. I have a handful of papers and a half dozen speeches to grade by Friday. Three exams over the next couple days translates to 55 tests to grade by the end of next week. In addition to grading, I've been approached by a couple folks about doing some collaborative work. One person wants me to team teach a senior seminar and another wants to talk about writing a journal article. While I'm flattered, I'm not sure how I feel about working with someone. I've always done my own thing when it comes to classes and writing. That said, I'll probably agree to the former and not the latter. Being seen as a team player in the workplace probably isn't such a bad thing. We'll see about the writing gig. I'm such a perfectionist that it's possible I'd drive my potential collaborator crazy.

SMC had Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday off for Fall Break.