Dating Rules are Stupid

Why do people insist on making dating so complicated?

In Contempt of Courtship

Like the author of this article, I can't help but wonder why singles adhere to a ridiculous set of rules that make dating a near-impossibility. Given that my last stint in "the Game" ended a year ago, I remember all the advice given by well-meaning friends:

1. If you get her number, wait 48 hours to call. Expect her to wait 48 hours before she returns your call.
2. If she talks children or marriage on the first date, run like hell. That's a clear indication of a desperate woman.
3. If you have fun on the first date, call and let her know the next day. After that, return to the 48 hour rule.
4. Don't give her flowers until you're an "item." Giving someone flowers makes you look desperate.
5. Don't do dinner or a movie on the first date. If things go badly, you can't bail.

I also heard, from a woman I was casually dating, that the Third Date = Sex rule also applies. On our third date, we had a conversation that went something like the following.

She: You know, my friends don't think you're all that interested in me.
Me: Really? Since I haven't met your friends, I'm surprised they'd have any impression.
She: You haven't tried to sleep with me.
Me: Hmmmm. Well, I don't really know you that well. I like to know someone before I have sex with them.
She: Okay.

And we never went on another date. To be honest, I found the entire conversation so ridiculous that any interest I did have waned quickly. Her tendency to slam eight to ten vodka tonics in a four hour period also helped squelch any desire for another date. Slurred speech and a tipsy gait are so sexy. Not that I have anything against a purely physical encounter. If two mature adults want to celebrate human sexuality, have at it. Safely.

My friend Janet once gave me the best possible dating advice: "There are no rules for dating. Dating rules are stupid. If you like her, call her the next day. If you feel like giving her flowers, give her flowers. Just be yourself. If someone doesn't like you for who you are, including all your interests, quirks, faults, and foibles, you probably don't have a romantic future with them." When Kathleen and I started dating a year ago, we broke all "the rules." I called her the day after getting her number (and continued to call whenever I wanted, as did she), we split the cost of every date, she asked me out frequently, we waited well beyond the third date before sex entered the picture, and we talked about everything. We talked about our views of marriage, children, careers, and spirituality, all within the first three dates. Almost a year later, we're madly in love and planning our wedding. Screw the rules.

My advice: quit reading The Rules and quit watching The Bachelor/Bachelorette. While you're at it, quit looking to Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and Dr. Phil for answers. All that pop psychology crap isn't worth the paper on which it's printed (A rant for another day). I've considered publishing my own tome on dating. However, I'm not sure I can convince a publisher to accept a five page treatise.

Pg. 1 Be kind.
Pg. 2 Be honest.
Pg. 3 Be yourself.
Pg. 4 Communicate openly and honestly.
Pg. 5 Dating rules are stupid.

I can't wait for my invitation to appear on Oprah.